I got all weepy trying to find an appropriate tribute for Memorial Day. Be forewarned.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Since Having Kids...
...The hand towels are usually missing from their spot, even if I just replaced it. So if I happen to have a roll of paper towels handy, I will wipe my freshly tooth-brushed mouth on the paper towel roll. Not on a paper towel. On the whole thing. And then I will leave it right back where I found it, for the next time. 'Cause that's how I roll.
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Hey, Lady in Parking Lot of Joanne's...
...Even though I was the one wrestling a screaming, wailing, flailing toddler into the car seat, and you were staring right at me, your magnificent powers of observation somehow failed to connect the dots. I somehow could not see that you were also trying to get in to your car.
But you were certain that I was being a jerk to you on purpose. Yes, that's it. I spotted you as you came out of the store and decided it would really perk up my day to block you from getting into your car. This is how I get my jollies, actually. I cut in front of you with my squirming child just in time to make you think you were going to get in your car first... psych! Ha, I win. I made it to the car door first.
This all went exactly as planned. I even made a little map for myself as I walked toward the car. But first I had to use my magical stopwatch to buy myself a little extra time, natch, because of said crying child. So, using my magical stopwatch, I bought myself an extra hour so as to draw a detailed diagram and a minute-by-minute plan of how this would go down.
I even briefed my screaming child-accomplice, who in my Magical Stopped Time World was no longer screaming, and could talk in complete sentences. She can also feed herself, is potty trained, and never ever grabs random items off the shelves in the store. Also, unicorns. Magical flying ones with pink wings made of cotton candy. You can ride them around and eat delicious cotton candy while making dastardly plans to sabotage people's entry into their cars. But then of course if you eat up all the pink cotton candy unicorn wings you will go crashing to the ground. Fortunately, the ground is now made of marshmallow peeps and gum drops, so it's cool. My plans came to fruition exactly as intended. You were forced to wait an extra 60 seconds to get into your car. Ha! Sucker! It was almost too easy, like eating cotton candy unicorn wings and then bouncing joyously on a gum drop floor.
Since you then viciously cursed at me for getting in your way, you can go jump off a cliff into a pool of candied yams. I would say something meaner except it would not be very Christian of me. But since I very strongly dislike candied yams, that satisfies my need to say something really angry.
But you were certain that I was being a jerk to you on purpose. Yes, that's it. I spotted you as you came out of the store and decided it would really perk up my day to block you from getting into your car. This is how I get my jollies, actually. I cut in front of you with my squirming child just in time to make you think you were going to get in your car first... psych! Ha, I win. I made it to the car door first.
This all went exactly as planned. I even made a little map for myself as I walked toward the car. But first I had to use my magical stopwatch to buy myself a little extra time, natch, because of said crying child. So, using my magical stopwatch, I bought myself an extra hour so as to draw a detailed diagram and a minute-by-minute plan of how this would go down.
I even briefed my screaming child-accomplice, who in my Magical Stopped Time World was no longer screaming, and could talk in complete sentences. She can also feed herself, is potty trained, and never ever grabs random items off the shelves in the store. Also, unicorns. Magical flying ones with pink wings made of cotton candy. You can ride them around and eat delicious cotton candy while making dastardly plans to sabotage people's entry into their cars. But then of course if you eat up all the pink cotton candy unicorn wings you will go crashing to the ground. Fortunately, the ground is now made of marshmallow peeps and gum drops, so it's cool. My plans came to fruition exactly as intended. You were forced to wait an extra 60 seconds to get into your car. Ha! Sucker! It was almost too easy, like eating cotton candy unicorn wings and then bouncing joyously on a gum drop floor.
Since you then viciously cursed at me for getting in your way, you can go jump off a cliff into a pool of candied yams. I would say something meaner except it would not be very Christian of me. But since I very strongly dislike candied yams, that satisfies my need to say something really angry.
Late Nights & Early Mornings: It's Only Ok When It's By Choice
I went to sleep late last night because I felt the need to watch Scrubs episodes on hulu.com, and snack on a late night PB&J. The quietness of the house after everyone is asleep is my haven. This is when I can just veg out and finally RELAX. No tugging on my arm, no "mom! mom! look at me!", not even a husband to chat with. Just me and whatever I want to do.
Mostly I want to recoup my sanity and remember that I am a person. Not just a boogie-wiper. Not just the hand that feeds them. Not just a play mate who re-enacts Disney movies over and over.
So heck yeah, I will watch adult-appropriate content on Scrubs! I will eat late at night if I want to. The No More Food After Dinner, and If I Do Give in to Your Baby Bird "Cheep! Cheeps!" Then You Can Just Have Some Fruit Rule does not apply to me! And oh yes, I will pee with the door shut in total, utter and complete silence!!!
It was good. Oh, so good. A girl could get used to this. Of course, I am paying for it this morning though because I had an atrocious back ache due to a certain baby who woke up at 6am wanting to cuddle with me, and so could not sleep in. Oh well! It was worth it.
Mostly I want to recoup my sanity and remember that I am a person. Not just a boogie-wiper. Not just the hand that feeds them. Not just a play mate who re-enacts Disney movies over and over.
So heck yeah, I will watch adult-appropriate content on Scrubs! I will eat late at night if I want to. The No More Food After Dinner, and If I Do Give in to Your Baby Bird "Cheep! Cheeps!" Then You Can Just Have Some Fruit Rule does not apply to me! And oh yes, I will pee with the door shut in total, utter and complete silence!!!
It was good. Oh, so good. A girl could get used to this. Of course, I am paying for it this morning though because I had an atrocious back ache due to a certain baby who woke up at 6am wanting to cuddle with me, and so could not sleep in. Oh well! It was worth it.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Man Muppets
Further proof that it doesn't need to be my muppets that Violet pinches...
...Anyone's muppets will do just fine, thanks.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Cookie Carnival
Still one of my all time favorite cartoons. I think I may be slightly obsessed with Cookie Carnival. I might like it better than my children. I mean I like the cartoon more than my children like the cartoon. Not that I like the cartoon more than I like my own children. That would make me a bad person.
Actually, all the Silly Symphony cartoons are pretty brilliant...but I have a soft spot in my heart for cookies.
Actually, all the Silly Symphony cartoons are pretty brilliant...but I have a soft spot in my heart for cookies.
Not My Gym
I went to My Gym in Henderson today to check it out, but I didn't end up staying for the trial class.
Just walking in felt uncomfortable, like outsiders didn't belong there. There was an infant class going on at the time, and the 2 people who worked there were involved in singing songs and throwing toys around for the oblivious infants and their beaming parents.
One of them finally came over to change the annoyingly loud music, and said, "Gimme like 5 minutes, I have to finish this class". Hello to you too, dude.
I waited until the end of the class, feeling out of place the whole time, and got the pricing info: $75 one time fee, and then $75 per month thereafter.
The vibe was unfriendly, the place seemed slightly shabby, and when they finally did attend to my presence it was with blank stares and disinterest.
Therefore, even though I didn't even get to do a class for Ivy, I give this place:
They only get a full Muppet because I am giving them the benefit of the doubt since we didn't stay for the class. Otherwise it would have been a sad little half Muppet.
Just walking in felt uncomfortable, like outsiders didn't belong there. There was an infant class going on at the time, and the 2 people who worked there were involved in singing songs and throwing toys around for the oblivious infants and their beaming parents.
One of them finally came over to change the annoyingly loud music, and said, "Gimme like 5 minutes, I have to finish this class". Hello to you too, dude.
I waited until the end of the class, feeling out of place the whole time, and got the pricing info: $75 one time fee, and then $75 per month thereafter.
The vibe was unfriendly, the place seemed slightly shabby, and when they finally did attend to my presence it was with blank stares and disinterest.
Therefore, even though I didn't even get to do a class for Ivy, I give this place:
They only get a full Muppet because I am giving them the benefit of the doubt since we didn't stay for the class. Otherwise it would have been a sad little half Muppet.
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Do the Math
Last night bedtime was at 11pm, courtesy of Ivy's fear of monsters. This morning was a 5:30am wake up call, courtesy of Ivy's nightmare regarding monsters. This whole monster-fear-nightmare situation is killing me, but I think that may be a separate post.
Today I also tried to visit a new place to review, and it was no longer in business, those slackers. I then tried a second place, which it seems does not open until 3pm. EVEN BIGGER SLACKERS.
I hate math with a passion, but I think I got this one down:
Lack of sleep + dumb slackers = irritation.
When you add to that the usual kid challenges that happen on a daily basis, you get:
Irritation + kids drawing on themselves with crayon = anger
When we got home from the failed outing I tried to put them both down for a much needed nap. What I mean is that I really needed a nap. Due to above said anger, I lost total patience with having Violet sleep in bed with me (she still pinches the muppets. How do I wean her from muppet-pinching???) She was majorly upset at having to sleep in her own bed and cried and wailed loud enough to split my eardrums.
Anger + screaming × impatience = total shutdown of mommy-ness
This means I no longer cared she was screaming. I did not care that Ivy was trying to sleep and Violet was screaming. I left them in their room to fend for themselves and went to bed. Eventually they sort of settled down even though Ivy ended up not sleeping at all, probably because the window of sleepiness had totally passed her by.
I fell asleep for a little while, not long enough to refresh my mommy superpowers, but long enough to remind me how much I love sleep and how it is the unattainable dream.
Total shutdown of mommy-ness ÷ too short of a nap = desperate hopelessness
Since I still have grocery shopping to do, dinner to make, house to clean, and choir rehearsal to go to, the desperate hopelessness is pretty much magnified by 100.
Desperate hopelessness × 100 ± kid surprises yet to come = nothing I can do about it, so may as well get on with my life and stop complaining
And I do believe I have come through the other side. I think I am ok now. Sigh.
Today I also tried to visit a new place to review, and it was no longer in business, those slackers. I then tried a second place, which it seems does not open until 3pm. EVEN BIGGER SLACKERS.
I hate math with a passion, but I think I got this one down:
Lack of sleep + dumb slackers = irritation.
When you add to that the usual kid challenges that happen on a daily basis, you get:
Irritation + kids drawing on themselves with crayon = anger
When we got home from the failed outing I tried to put them both down for a much needed nap. What I mean is that I really needed a nap. Due to above said anger, I lost total patience with having Violet sleep in bed with me (she still pinches the muppets. How do I wean her from muppet-pinching???) She was majorly upset at having to sleep in her own bed and cried and wailed loud enough to split my eardrums.
Anger + screaming × impatience = total shutdown of mommy-ness
This means I no longer cared she was screaming. I did not care that Ivy was trying to sleep and Violet was screaming. I left them in their room to fend for themselves and went to bed. Eventually they sort of settled down even though Ivy ended up not sleeping at all, probably because the window of sleepiness had totally passed her by.
I fell asleep for a little while, not long enough to refresh my mommy superpowers, but long enough to remind me how much I love sleep and how it is the unattainable dream.
Total shutdown of mommy-ness ÷ too short of a nap = desperate hopelessness
Since I still have grocery shopping to do, dinner to make, house to clean, and choir rehearsal to go to, the desperate hopelessness is pretty much magnified by 100.
Desperate hopelessness × 100 ± kid surprises yet to come = nothing I can do about it, so may as well get on with my life and stop complaining
And I do believe I have come through the other side. I think I am ok now. Sigh.
Monday, May 24, 2010
NEW! Muppet Rating System
In order to better illustrate my opinions on the places in Vegas that I am reviewing, I am instituting my new Muppet Rating System. In case you missed the euphemism that Muppets stand for on this blog, catch up here and here.
The lovely Snowth of Manamana fame will be assisting me in my judging.
The system will go from half a Muppet for places that are so disappointing they cannot even muster up a whole Muppet, up to 5 Muppets for places that rock my world. Here is what 2 and a half Muppets look like:
I am so enamored of the graphics that I am thinking about going back and retroactively adding the Muppet Rating to the things I have reviewed.
The lovely Snowth of Manamana fame will be assisting me in my judging.
The system will go from half a Muppet for places that are so disappointing they cannot even muster up a whole Muppet, up to 5 Muppets for places that rock my world. Here is what 2 and a half Muppets look like:
I am so enamored of the graphics that I am thinking about going back and retroactively adding the Muppet Rating to the things I have reviewed.
Tell Me
This is what I want to know: When will getting your kids to eat enough fruits and vegetables stop being an epic battle of wills?
Saturday, May 22, 2010
I Heart Bidets
So I tried to flush, and nothing happened. No handle pressure, nothing. The toilet was dead. Instead of panicking I coolly surveyed the toilet just in case I was missing something, while further pondering whether I was going to have to take the lid off the reservoir to make this thing work. That is when I noticed a small fixture attached to the right of the bowl. It read:
Water Pressure: Off . . . Low . . . High
Ah ha! The dial is set to "Off". I don't know why the toilet is set to "Off", but that is obviously the problem. So I cranked it up to "High". Instantly, a powerful jet of water shot out of the toilet with the force of fire hose. I did a crazy Matrix-like slow-mo back bend to avoid said water jet, and then quickly reached over to turn it off again.
Too late. The jet of water had shot all the way across the bathroom and hit the opposing wall. So now, instead of just being embarrassed that the toilet won't flush, I also have to contend with the Splash Zone the crazy toilet bidet just created. Great way to make a good impression, Andrea. Fab. This definitely ranks at the top of my Humiliation O' Meter.
Friday, May 21, 2010
TGIF
Let me paint a picture for you.
Baby is tired. Baby is fighting sleep off like if it's a chupacabra wielding mace and brussel sprouts. She is probably also hungry, but is too tired to eat. I hold her in my arms. She squirms and kicks and cries. She needs to sleep. But she refuses.
Finally, after an hour and a half of fussiness.... finally, she can no longer resist... and she nods off. Yesss! Victory! Chupacabra with mace and brussel sprouts has won!
I carry her to my room to lay her in my bed, where she is most likely to stay asleep. Crap. There is a ton of clean laundry on my bed. I have to move the clothes and pull the covers back while holding the sleeping baby.
With my leg, I try to kick the laundry off the bed. I overextend, and land halfway on the bed in an awkward splits position, one leg still sort of on the ground and one leg across the bed. Ok, that hurts. Baby check. Whew, she's still asleep. Now how do I get up?
Squirm. Wiggle wiggle. Shift. Slide. I am up again. Laundry is mostly out of the way now. Time to pull the covers back. I semi-crouch, still cradling baby. Using the hand that is cradling her upper half, I desperately grasp the comforter with two fingers and slowly manage to pull it back. A bead of sweat forms on my brow. Dang it, I just showered this morning!
I lay baby down on my bed, pause with my arms still around her to let her settle, and then slowly withdraw. She has stayed asleep through all my awkwardness.
My trials and tribulations are over for the next hour at least. Thank God it's Friday, because tomorrow is Saturday, and mama gets a break!
Baby is tired. Baby is fighting sleep off like if it's a chupacabra wielding mace and brussel sprouts. She is probably also hungry, but is too tired to eat. I hold her in my arms. She squirms and kicks and cries. She needs to sleep. But she refuses.
Finally, after an hour and a half of fussiness.... finally, she can no longer resist... and she nods off. Yesss! Victory! Chupacabra with mace and brussel sprouts has won!
I carry her to my room to lay her in my bed, where she is most likely to stay asleep. Crap. There is a ton of clean laundry on my bed. I have to move the clothes and pull the covers back while holding the sleeping baby.
With my leg, I try to kick the laundry off the bed. I overextend, and land halfway on the bed in an awkward splits position, one leg still sort of on the ground and one leg across the bed. Ok, that hurts. Baby check. Whew, she's still asleep. Now how do I get up?
Squirm. Wiggle wiggle. Shift. Slide. I am up again. Laundry is mostly out of the way now. Time to pull the covers back. I semi-crouch, still cradling baby. Using the hand that is cradling her upper half, I desperately grasp the comforter with two fingers and slowly manage to pull it back. A bead of sweat forms on my brow. Dang it, I just showered this morning!
I lay baby down on my bed, pause with my arms still around her to let her settle, and then slowly withdraw. She has stayed asleep through all my awkwardness.
My trials and tribulations are over for the next hour at least. Thank God it's Friday, because tomorrow is Saturday, and mama gets a break!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Baby Ballet
So I signed Violet up for ballet at Fairytales and Tutus yesterday. Granted, she is only 18 months old and technically not yet the minimum 21 month age for the class. But from watching Ivy, she can already do an arabesque, a plie, a tendu, and go on her tippy toes. I think that qualifies her to start formal training.
And being a baby is no excuse. In the words of the (in)famous Colbert, "I was a baby once, I walked it off!"
And being a baby is no excuse. In the words of the (in)famous Colbert, "I was a baby once, I walked it off!"
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Scheduling My Life
I was thinking that I want to start structuring our day to day and trying to make a real schedule for ourselves. You know, like:
6am Wake up* and eat breakfast
6:15am While making breakfast be angry that I am awake. Make coffee. Drink coffee. Be slightly less angry
6:30am Nope, still angry. Make more coffee. Stare and it and wonder how many it will take to make the sleepy go away
7am Clean up from breakfast. Remove soggy cheerios from girls' hair. Wipe up the lake of milk on the floor.
7:15am Get kids dressed
7:30am Finally catch naked babies who are running away from me. Dress them. Shoot, I forgot their shoes. Get shoes and socks, chase them again. Catch them again. Put shoes on them.
8am Look for lost keys. Find keys. Get diaper bag ready. While getting diaper bag ready toddler takes found keys and loses them again. Look for them again.
8:15am Found keys again. Go grocery shopping. (Note: it only took us 2.25 hours to get out of the house. Probably should work on that)
9:15am Come home, unload car while girls bounce freely around the inside of the car.
9:20am Break up the fight, remove chunk of Ivy's hair from Violet's fingers. Administer a time out.
9:45am Everyone is inside, groceries are put away. Snack time.
10am Do intellectually stimulating activities that will make my children intellectually crush yours
11am Lunch (what, too early? Please see wake up time)
And so on, and so forth...Anyway, something like that. I think a schedule would help me avoid those days when we all stay in our pj's until Phillip gets home from work. I am not embarrassed to admit we do that sometimes because I know in my heart I am not the only mom who has days like that. Plus I want to start doing more structured intellectual activities for Ivy. When she uses words like "impressed" and "struggle", it makes me think she is ready for some real learning activities.
* Wake up time is not dictated by me, I would not ever consciously choose this hour to remove myself from my warm and comfy bed.
6am Wake up* and eat breakfast
6:15am While making breakfast be angry that I am awake. Make coffee. Drink coffee. Be slightly less angry
6:30am Nope, still angry. Make more coffee. Stare and it and wonder how many it will take to make the sleepy go away
7am Clean up from breakfast. Remove soggy cheerios from girls' hair. Wipe up the lake of milk on the floor.
7:15am Get kids dressed
7:30am Finally catch naked babies who are running away from me. Dress them. Shoot, I forgot their shoes. Get shoes and socks, chase them again. Catch them again. Put shoes on them.
8am Look for lost keys. Find keys. Get diaper bag ready. While getting diaper bag ready toddler takes found keys and loses them again. Look for them again.
8:15am Found keys again. Go grocery shopping. (Note: it only took us 2.25 hours to get out of the house. Probably should work on that)
9:15am Come home, unload car while girls bounce freely around the inside of the car.
9:20am Break up the fight, remove chunk of Ivy's hair from Violet's fingers. Administer a time out.
9:45am Everyone is inside, groceries are put away. Snack time.
10am Do intellectually stimulating activities that will make my children intellectually crush yours
11am Lunch (what, too early? Please see wake up time)
And so on, and so forth...Anyway, something like that. I think a schedule would help me avoid those days when we all stay in our pj's until Phillip gets home from work. I am not embarrassed to admit we do that sometimes because I know in my heart I am not the only mom who has days like that. Plus I want to start doing more structured intellectual activities for Ivy. When she uses words like "impressed" and "struggle", it makes me think she is ready for some real learning activities.
* Wake up time is not dictated by me, I would not ever consciously choose this hour to remove myself from my warm and comfy bed.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Look, Mom!
Kids think they can do all sort of really amazing things. For example, today Ivy has said "look, mom! look what I can do!!" for the following things:
Running around in circles
Eating a potato chip (it's actually a pop chip, so it doesn't count as a parenting fail)
Jumping up and down
Moving her arm in random patterns
Completely disrobing Violet down to the birthday suit (ok, I admit it is pretty cool she has the dexterity to accomplish that.)
Putting crayons in a container
I want to tell her that I would be more impressed if she would break out playing a Tchaikovsky concerto on her violin, but I don't think she would appreciate where I am coming from on that.
Running around in circles
Eating a potato chip (it's actually a pop chip, so it doesn't count as a parenting fail)
Jumping up and down
Moving her arm in random patterns
Completely disrobing Violet down to the birthday suit (ok, I admit it is pretty cool she has the dexterity to accomplish that.)
Putting crayons in a container
I want to tell her that I would be more impressed if she would break out playing a Tchaikovsky concerto on her violin, but I don't think she would appreciate where I am coming from on that.
Mommy Rhapsody
If you need a laugh this morning, this is for you! My absolute favorite part is when one of the moms "plays" the guitar (broom) with the wind blowing her hair!
Mommy Rhapsody from Church on the Move on Vimeo.
Mommy Rhapsody from Church on the Move on Vimeo.
Monday, May 17, 2010
Monday, Monday...
Ivy's ear ache is now under control with the use of ear drops. Sadly, said ear drops are the consistency of petrified honey. So it takes close to forever to drip down in to the ear canal. I just want to know who the genius is that created such a thick solution for use in squirmy children.
We just got back from another trip to LA for a family function. For some reason whenever I come back from a trip I feel this combination of an intense desire to clean and organize, and a sense of dread at the chaos that inevitably follows our arrival home.
Among my top three dreaded chaotic travel results:
Ok. Cults take too much energy, what with brainwashing people and junk. Lottery it is! I will let you know when I win it. Not so you can mooch off me because you think we are friends or you think you know me. It would be more so that you can follow the dramatic thread of my life story. Then I can get Jodi Foster to play me. Fun!
We just got back from another trip to LA for a family function. For some reason whenever I come back from a trip I feel this combination of an intense desire to clean and organize, and a sense of dread at the chaos that inevitably follows our arrival home.
Among my top three dreaded chaotic travel results:
- Mountains of never ending laundry
- Toys that have multiplied themselves in the warm, dark environs of the travel toy bag
- Seeing the mess we originally left behind with fresh eyes
Ok. Cults take too much energy, what with brainwashing people and junk. Lottery it is! I will let you know when I win it. Not so you can mooch off me because you think we are friends or you think you know me. It would be more so that you can follow the dramatic thread of my life story. Then I can get Jodi Foster to play me. Fun!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Things I Don't Want
The Clap
Nuclear Winter
My daughter to wake up in the middle of the night with an ear ache
Friday, May 14, 2010
Thanks A Lot
Thanks a lot, Foothill Pediatrics... for making us wait an hour and a half after our appointment time. Due to the ridiculous wait, I had to feed my children goldfish crackers and raisins for lunch. Somehow I doubt this will contribute to their overall health.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Ice Cream Festival
In case you had not seen this yet, the Springs Preserve is having an Ice Cream Festival on Sunday, May 23rd. I thought it looked like a lot of fun, here is the info.
Parenting Discovery!
Ok, so veteran parents probably already know this. But I just discovered it and had to share.
I wanted to get the house picked up but the girls kept demanding my attention and wanting to play. Somehow, inspiration struck and I started running around all over the house, picking up toys and discarded clothes as I went.
The girls thought it was hilarious, and not only started laughing but they also started running around and chasing me and each other too. In no time, I had most of the house picked up. Granted, I only dropped items off in the room they belonged and didn't put anything in its exact place but the whole living room and kitchen were free and clear of clutter and it only took me half the time it otherwise would have!
This counts as one of my better parenting discoveries. Anyone else have another good parenting discovery I can steal??
I wanted to get the house picked up but the girls kept demanding my attention and wanting to play. Somehow, inspiration struck and I started running around all over the house, picking up toys and discarded clothes as I went.
The girls thought it was hilarious, and not only started laughing but they also started running around and chasing me and each other too. In no time, I had most of the house picked up. Granted, I only dropped items off in the room they belonged and didn't put anything in its exact place but the whole living room and kitchen were free and clear of clutter and it only took me half the time it otherwise would have!
This counts as one of my better parenting discoveries. Anyone else have another good parenting discovery I can steal??
Who Needs a Professional Manicure...
...When your toddler can just as easily paint your nails with crayons?
Either way, I am not going to understand what my manicurist is saying!
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Making My Escape
Last night I thought I was being so clever... I escaped and quickly ran to the bathroom and locked the door so I could use the potty* without 2 children and a dog for company.
They trailed after me, and immediately started pounding the door. I can hear the dog panting and Violet babbling on the other side of the door as they all camped out. Suddenly, it stopped. All was silent. And then, Ivy's voice piped through, "Mom! Mom? I need you. What are you doing? You using the potty?"
Me: Yes! (toilet flushes)
Ivy: Now what are you doing?
Me: Flushing the toilet.
Ivy: You done going potty?
Me: Yes. (turning the water on to wash my hands)
Ivy: What's that sound?
Me: I am washing my hands.
(I decide to take the opportunity to put away some toothbrushes and hair clips on the counter)
Ivy: Mom! What's that? What's that sound? What are you doing?
Me: I am just putting some things away.
Ivy: How?
Me: I just am.
Ivy: Why?
Me: Because.
Ivy: What is it?
Me: Some stuff on the counter.
Ivy: Now what are you doing?
So now I am trying to decide which is the more peaceful experience...letting them all in or locking them out!
* Yeah, I say "potty" now and I am only marginally embarrassed about it.
They trailed after me, and immediately started pounding the door. I can hear the dog panting and Violet babbling on the other side of the door as they all camped out. Suddenly, it stopped. All was silent. And then, Ivy's voice piped through, "Mom! Mom? I need you. What are you doing? You using the potty?"
Me: Yes! (toilet flushes)
Ivy: Now what are you doing?
Me: Flushing the toilet.
Ivy: You done going potty?
Me: Yes. (turning the water on to wash my hands)
Ivy: What's that sound?
Me: I am washing my hands.
(I decide to take the opportunity to put away some toothbrushes and hair clips on the counter)
Ivy: Mom! What's that? What's that sound? What are you doing?
Me: I am just putting some things away.
Ivy: How?
Me: I just am.
Ivy: Why?
Me: Because.
Ivy: What is it?
Me: Some stuff on the counter.
Ivy: Now what are you doing?
So now I am trying to decide which is the more peaceful experience...letting them all in or locking them out!
* Yeah, I say "potty" now and I am only marginally embarrassed about it.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
The Battle of the Violin
Someday, when the girls are overly sensitive teenagers trying to fit in, I am going to tease them about the fight they had today over Ivy's violin. Neither one of them could bear to share it, and I had to break it up numerous times as they scuffled over it.
I figure this will be first in a long line of embarrassing things, along with naked bath pictures, I can hold over their heads as a "stick" to keep them in line. I think I need to open a file. I will call it, "Press Release In The Event of Teenager's Disobedience".
From this you can safely assume I fear the day they become teenagers. Hm, maybe I should have put this one under Things That Give You The Heebie Jeebies.
I figure this will be first in a long line of embarrassing things, along with naked bath pictures, I can hold over their heads as a "stick" to keep them in line. I think I need to open a file. I will call it, "Press Release In The Event of Teenager's Disobedience".
From this you can safely assume I fear the day they become teenagers. Hm, maybe I should have put this one under Things That Give You The Heebie Jeebies.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Exploration Park
Unlike the Baby Corral, aka Discovery Park, there is nothing to hold the little ones in at Exploration Park. But that's okay, because if you have the energy to chase them around a bit, they will probably particularly enjoy this park. The theme seems to be a frontier town. And frankly, it's lovely!
It has a variety of features for a variety of ages... splash pad, sandbox, small, large and extra large jungle gyms, and even a little stagecoach kids can climb up into. The splash pad is encircled by more shaded picnic tables.
I particularly like the huge expanse of soft, rolling green grass...not exactly a common thing in Vegas. Ivy has never rolled down a grassy hill before, and although it was a bit awkward at first she finally figured it out and loved it.
In terms of picnic areas, there are individual picnic tables with their own little shades, so you can easily stake out a comfortable spot. Or of course you could bring a blanket and spread out in the grass while the kids kick a ball around, roll down the hills, or generally run amok.
I recommend trying out this park, the size and interesting features will make it seem like your kids really are exploring. The only drawback I found is that if you live in Henderson or North Vegas, its a pretty long drive to Buffalo and Blue Diamond!
It has a variety of features for a variety of ages... splash pad, sandbox, small, large and extra large jungle gyms, and even a little stagecoach kids can climb up into. The splash pad is encircled by more shaded picnic tables.
I particularly like the huge expanse of soft, rolling green grass...not exactly a common thing in Vegas. Ivy has never rolled down a grassy hill before, and although it was a bit awkward at first she finally figured it out and loved it.
In terms of picnic areas, there are individual picnic tables with their own little shades, so you can easily stake out a comfortable spot. Or of course you could bring a blanket and spread out in the grass while the kids kick a ball around, roll down the hills, or generally run amok.
I recommend trying out this park, the size and interesting features will make it seem like your kids really are exploring. The only drawback I found is that if you live in Henderson or North Vegas, its a pretty long drive to Buffalo and Blue Diamond!
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Motherhood Means...
Hugging your kids whenever they are are sad or afraid.
Always being there for them, even when you yourself aren't well.
Illnesses are tenderly cared for, no matter the time of day or night.
Laughing with your kids a lot, all the time, for the silliest of reasons.
Mopping up a lot of messes...
And helping them make those messes to begin with.
Realizing for the first time how amazing your own mother is, and finally understanding the sacrifices she made for you.
Yearning for the time when your kids used to nestle quietly in your arms, while feeling proud they have come as far as they have.
Happy Mother's Day to all you Mamas out there... we know how hard you work.
Enjoy your day!
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Friday, May 7, 2010
Mother's Day Is Coming Up!!!
Hey, did you know Mother's Day is coming up? Mother's Daaayyyy! It's almost heeeeere! Ooh, ooh, Mother's Day is this Sunday! Say what? Mother's Day, that's what! Mother's Day is right around the corner!Ok, now here is where I pinch the bridge of my nose and sigh in irritation. We. All. Know. It's. Mother's. Day.
I am getting very tired of hearing about it, it makes me feel like the pressure is on me to do I don't know what. Be extra gracious and sweet to my children. Be the epitome of love and joy. Sorry, peeps, you're looking for the big J.C. And for everyone who has a mother (pretty much all of you unless you were hatched from an egg), the pressure is on you too, to find her a nice gift and to show her what a great job she did raising you.
Maybe I am just annoyed at how commercial it is. Appreciating someone sincerely is great. But please... take it from a mom - don't waste your money on buying something just for the sake of buying something. A better bet would be to make her dinner and clean everything up afterward. For a week. Now that would be the mother's day to end all mother's days!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
All The Pretty Dresses
You should know something about me. I really love for sweet little girls to look like sweet little girls, instead of like rock stars or prosti-tots. Call me old-fashioned.
I found this website called Grammie's Attic, and I although I haven't managed to justify spending the money for any of these dresses, I am still dreaming of seeing Ivy in one of them some day.
They remind of days gone by...yesteryear, if you will. A kinder, gentler time where everything looked slightly fuzzy and bright and dreamy. Birds chirped, muffled conversations echoed, and laughter could be heard in the distance. I am pretty sure things looked and sounded that way back then. The movies show us that, so I figure it must be true.
I found this website called Grammie's Attic, and I although I haven't managed to justify spending the money for any of these dresses, I am still dreaming of seeing Ivy in one of them some day.
They remind of days gone by...yesteryear, if you will. A kinder, gentler time where everything looked slightly fuzzy and bright and dreamy. Birds chirped, muffled conversations echoed, and laughter could be heard in the distance. I am pretty sure things looked and sounded that way back then. The movies show us that, so I figure it must be true.
I will Forgive You Anything If You Make Me Laugh
I laughed so hard that I forgot to passive-aggressively torture him the rest of the evening for calling me Jabba the Hutt.
PS I found out that Jabba's little "frog thing" has a name.... Salacious Crumb!
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Cop Out!
I am going to totally cop out on reviewing anything new this week, since my articles on 3 fun places to take your kids just came out in the latest issue of the Desert Companion. You can also pick up a copy at your local Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf or Whole Foods.
And don't judge me for slacking. Those cute little baby germs my girls got have just morphed into a big, fat ugly grown up germs. In other words, I got the cooties. My articles are on page 54 and 55. Read 'em. Love 'em. And I promise something new for next week.
And don't judge me for slacking. Those cute little baby germs my girls got have just morphed into a big, fat ugly grown up germs. In other words, I got the cooties. My articles are on page 54 and 55. Read 'em. Love 'em. And I promise something new for next week.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Reason # 1,784 Why I Love My Husband
I had to miss dinner yesterday to keep an appointment, and Phillip prepared a plate of leftovers for me to eat upon my return. When I came home he was giving the girls a bath and this is what I found waiting for me in the fridge:
Monday, May 3, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
It's Crazy Making Time
I am sure you are all wondering what my secret is to regaining pre-vacation levels of insanity so soon. Don't be jealous, I am a natural. We cannot all be me.
But go ahead and kick off your flippity flops, fellow mamas, and take a seat. I am going to tell you how to be a high achiever, just like me.
Step 1: Schedule your trip back from paradise as late in the day as possible, and don't fly directly home. Fly into a city that is 4 hours away from home. Go to sleep past midnight.
Step 2: Get up at 4:30am to drive the last leg of your trip. Instead of music, listen to the kids whine and cry. Don't skip this one, it's an important step if you want to reach maximum levels of insanity.
Step 3: Be sure you've scheduled important committments for the morning of your return.
Step: 4: Wear a nice dress and high heels to said commitments. You won't have time to change, so put it on first thing in the morning.
Step 5: Between Commitment #1 and Commitment #2, take your toddler to the doctor to get that eye goop checked out, but do it as a walk-in so you can spend at least 2 hours waiting. Find out that the eye goop is due to RSV.
Step 6 (my personal fave): Wrestle your kicking, screaming, red-faced, panicked toddler down to the floor to administer inhaler treatment while still wearing high heels and a now rumpled dress.
Step 7: It's too late for Commitment #2. The food is all gone anyway. And you look like crap.
Step 8: You are now starving. Stop by the grocery store on your way home. Do all your shopping in heels because somewhere in all that activity your husband thoughtfully sneaked home to drop off all the luggage, including your jeans and comfy shoes.
And that, my friends, is now it's done. Welcome to Crazy Town. We've missed you. And yes, that is the royal "we". What - I said it's Crazy Town, not Not Crazy Town. Bring on the Crazy.
But go ahead and kick off your flippity flops, fellow mamas, and take a seat. I am going to tell you how to be a high achiever, just like me.
Step 1: Schedule your trip back from paradise as late in the day as possible, and don't fly directly home. Fly into a city that is 4 hours away from home. Go to sleep past midnight.
Step 2: Get up at 4:30am to drive the last leg of your trip. Instead of music, listen to the kids whine and cry. Don't skip this one, it's an important step if you want to reach maximum levels of insanity.
Step 3: Be sure you've scheduled important committments for the morning of your return.
Step: 4: Wear a nice dress and high heels to said commitments. You won't have time to change, so put it on first thing in the morning.
Step 5: Between Commitment #1 and Commitment #2, take your toddler to the doctor to get that eye goop checked out, but do it as a walk-in so you can spend at least 2 hours waiting. Find out that the eye goop is due to RSV.
Step 6 (my personal fave): Wrestle your kicking, screaming, red-faced, panicked toddler down to the floor to administer inhaler treatment while still wearing high heels and a now rumpled dress.
Step 7: It's too late for Commitment #2. The food is all gone anyway. And you look like crap.
Step 8: You are now starving. Stop by the grocery store on your way home. Do all your shopping in heels because somewhere in all that activity your husband thoughtfully sneaked home to drop off all the luggage, including your jeans and comfy shoes.
And that, my friends, is now it's done. Welcome to Crazy Town. We've missed you. And yes, that is the royal "we". What - I said it's Crazy Town, not Not Crazy Town. Bring on the Crazy.
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