Who is Pepo?

You might be more interested in educated-literary-person questions such as, "Who is John Gault?" But today we answer the question, "Who is Pepo?"

Pepo is my house guest. You know what they say about guests being like fish and stinking after 3 days. Since Pepo has been our guest for 5+ days, the stench of guest-iness is unbearable.

Pepo intrudes on our breakfast. He will plop down right next to the girls, without a clue as to how inappropriate it is to interrupt their meal. Pepo will read over my shoulder when I am trying to get some quiet time in. Pepo is always here. Its like he has nothing better to do! Annoying!

Who is Pepo?

This is Pepo:

My mom named a fly at her house "Pepo" in the hopes of getting the girls to stop freaking out about his presence. It totally worked.

So when a nasty fly got into our house, Ivy immediately perked up and said, "Hey! Pepo came to our house!" Oh, joy.

Now every time I try to swat him into fly-pulp, Ivy gets upset and tells me not to hurt her "friend". And since flies exist all over the place, every time we see one, she goes, "Hey, there's Pepo!" In fact, she saw the image of the fly as I typed this up, and went, "Hey, what's Pepo doing there?"

And given his remarkable longevity, I must be a pretty poor housekeeper seeing as he has yet to starve to death. I'm working on it.

Borinteresting

Today is one of those days when I just have nothing interesting to say. So instead of being interesting, I am going to be boring. I think you will really like it. Its very cutting edge and artistic. I am so boring I am interesting. See how that works?

In order to borinterest you as fully as possible I am going to provide you with small, insignificant details of my life and surroundings, which you will then picture in your mind's eye, thus entering into a mind meld with me, a la Farscape.

1. I used to watch Farscape, a lot. I am a nerd. If you have ever seen it, please leave a comment saying so, that way I can know my fellow Farscape fans.

2. I have a baby calendar posted on my wall, where I wrote down Violet's every development for the 1st year of her life, on the exact day it happened. She is almost 2, so from that we can deduct that it should have been taken down and made into a scrapbook a year ago.

3. I am making a special little something as a giveaway. The half-finished product is sitting on my sewing desk. I cannot tell you what it is, but it is adorable, and it is pink with white polka dots. And you are going to want it for your daughter or niece.

4. Books have legs. In my house, all the children's books come fitted with their own legs, which they use to climb out of the bookshelf and walk around to random places in the house. Such as: the piano bench, the couch, the floor, the kitchen, my bedroom, the bathroom, and the sewing desk. The legs are hairy and short, which creeps me out. I sometimes try to strategically place shaving cream and a razor so the book-legs can take care of that nastiness. But then I realize they only have legs and no arms, which would make the shaving difficult. Must train them to use toes as hands.

5. I have a wastebasket 3/4 of the way filled with pieces of paper and scraps of fabric that has not been emptied in months.

6. I am listening to Pink Martini. They are awesome and if you have yet to discover them, you are missing out. Here, watch this.



7. I could really go for a good email. The kind that pops up in your inbox and creates a ray of sunshine in your day.

8. I fell asleep for a few minutes there, between #7 and #8. That is how uninteresting writing this post has been. Which means that I have surely borinsterested you all along! Mission accomplished.

The Nouveau West Side Story

I went to the Rescues and Runways Fashion Show yesterday evening, and there were some really adorable dogs up for adoption. Here are some of the models afterward.

After the fashion show I did a little shopping at maurices, and although admittedly I had never been to a maurices before, I think I may have found my new obsession. Their clothes are stylish and flattering, and they don't cost a spleen and a kidney (arms and legs are too common... spleens and kidneys bring much more on the black market these days than arms and legs. FYI.) Granted, the clothes are not exactly cheap either, but they are definitely within the realm of a shopping splurge now and again.

I loved the changing rooms in that place... each one has different wallpaper and a different chandelier. This one was my changing room.

I have been feeling like I need a makeover pretty badly lately, and the gorgeous clothes I bought helped me feel pretty, and witty, and gay. I mean that in a West Side Story sort of way. Where I am a Greaser and Phillip is a Soc, and our love can never be requited. But then on the sly we have 2 love children named Consuelo and Dolores, who enjoy such Soc activities as ballet. And boating.

It's the nouveau West Side Story, you haven't heard of it yet. But it's going to be big.

After the fashion show and shopping, we headed over to Mac Shack for a ridiculously delicious Farro Salad with spinach, red onions, tomato, and gorgonzola. It was ridic! That is the shortened version of "ridiculous" that all the cool Greasers are saying nowadays. You should look it up. But don't use it, because unless you are street like me, it will only make you sound like you are having a mid-life crisis.

Saturday Replay - I Will Forgive You Anything If You Make Me Laugh

Welcome to Saturday Replay, where I succumb to my laziness and repost a previous entry! I originally posted this one in May, and I am still laughing about it. Re-Enjoy!

I Will Forgive You Anything If You Make Me Laugh

Last night, after spending a good while dancing around with Ivy in his arms, Phillip sat down to rest. At Ivy's continued insistence he got up again to dance with her some more. "Whew," he sighed. From where I was comfortably reclining in the armchair, I pronounced, "You're out of shape!"

Phillip side-looked me and said archly, "Like you can talk, you're just laying there like Jabba the Hutt."

And glancing at a butt-naked Violet, who was cackling at all the activity as she half-perched on my shoulder and chest, he added, "With your little frog thing!"

I laughed so hard that I forgot to passive-aggressively torture him the rest of the evening for calling me Jabba the Hutt.

PS I found out that Jabba's little "frog thing" has a name.... Salacious Crumb!

The Latest and Greatest

Although I finished this latest princess dress a while ago, I finally got around to taking pictures of it! This dress is inspired by fashions of mid-18th Century England. Obviously the actual dresses from the era were far more elaborate, but for my purposes I think the simplified influence suffices to create an interesting and unique look. The fabric is a brocade and has a slight shimmer to it.

If You Like Piña Coladas...

If you like Piña Coladas puppies raise your hand. If you like fashion, raise your other hand. If you like both those things and you raised both your hands, you look like you are being mugged right now.

The point is that there is a Rescues and Runways Fashion Show going on this Saturday from 5pm to 7pm at maurices (off the 215 and Rainbow).  They run the campaign with the ASPCA in order to increase pet adoptions and awareness of animal cruelty, so the models will be doing their thang on the runway along with some adorable pups. Two totally awesome things combined. It's brilliant.

Now if you don't like orphaned puppies, you have no heart. Seriously, you are a sick person. You should get help.

And if you like Piña Coladas...go to a bar. I'll be joining you shortly because I also like Piña Coladas and getting caught in the rain.

I am going to bring la familia to the fashion show, and maybe el perro too. If you are one of my Vegas readers, and we have yet to meet, come on down and stalk me a little. I should be there right around the 5pm mark. I'll even give you my autograph. What's that? You don't want my autograph?  Well then maybe you should re-read my "I Am a Celebrity" post.

What. You don't know what I look like? Well, even though you should know what I look like by now, here is me.

And here is Phillip. He is also recognizable by the giant patch of blond on his head. If you can even see the top of his head, which is 6 feet up in the air.

And I know you know what the girls look like.

Make sure you come up to me and say hi. Otherwise I will think no one is reading this and no one cares. And that will hurt my feelings. I will curl up into a little ball and weep. In the middle of the runway. With a puppy. Just to make you feel bad about it all.

It Totally Worked

Apparently my calculated tactic of turning my back on summer has worked. The mornings are dawning cooler and cooler, and this morning there is almost a chill in the air. Granted, by this afternoon it will be 94 degrees. But that is still not 100+ degrees. Mornings are dawning later and later...and evening approaches sooner. This morning we even ventured out and took breakfast outside.

These are exciting times!

To all my Las Vegas friends: You Are Welcome!

I am glad to have served. I shall spend the rest of my day trying to resist the urge to dance around and sing triumphantly, "Ding dong, the Summer's dead!"

I Am A Celebrity

I didn't expect this to happen, but here we are. I am officially a celebrity.

My adoring fans are constantly flocking around me. They want my attention. They hang on my every word. They want nothing more than to be close to me in their every waking moment.

They think everything I do is awesome. Even (or especially) if it's dumb. They want to emulate me. They want to do what I do. I am their inspiration.

Sometimes, when I try to get some space from them, I even move them to tears and hysterics.

Are you ready for the Big Reveal as to who I am?

Surprise! I am a celebrity to my 2 daughters.

(Imagine cheesy let-down music here- woh-woh-woooooh!)

A couple of days ago, when I was despairing about the fact that Violet would not leave me alone for an instant and Ivy wouldn't go to sleep because she wanted me near her, Phillip said, "Aren't you flattered? All they want to do is be near you." I side-looked him and tucked that gem away for the opportunity to throw it back in his face. Which I did, at dinner the next evening when Ivy kept creeping ever closer to him until she was crowding his elbow and he had no more space to himself. "Aren't you flattered?" I asked. "All she wants to do is be close to you." He didn't see the humor.

Anyway, I did think about it, and actually it is flattering. Usually it is more flattering when I have had a good night's sleep. It is sweet that they so want to be close to me. I feel very loved by them.

Violet has also been going through a possessive phase these days. Phillip cannot even hold my hand without her pushing him away, hugging my hand and saying, "Mine!" Now that is cute. Ah, my adoring fans!

Saturday Replay - Sun Quesadillas

Since it is Saturday and I am essentially a lazy person, I thought I would use today to repost one of my previous entries. And since it is still hot, despite my insistence that summer is dead to me, I thought this one would be appropriate. Re-Enjoy!

Sun Quesadillas

Some people make Sun Tea. Usually, they are super fancy and like to drink liquids while holding their pinky up and wearing their monacle. But that's not me. I make tea all regular-like, with water that you boil on a regular stove and stuff. Now, don't get me wrong - I really love fancy tea parties. And I have been known to don a monacle or two in my day.

But when it comes to making things that will cook in the sun, I make Sun Quesadillas. We went swimming today, and I knew that lunchtime would come right in the middle of it. So I put together some quesadillas, wrapped them up in foil and set them by the pool to melt. When we were ready to eat, we just came out of the pool and had our delicious, melted, gooey, sun quesadillas. I am ghetto like that.

 
This just goes to show that you can take a girl out of the barrio but you can't take the barrio out of the girl. I'm kidding. I never made sun quesadillas when I lived in East L.A. I did, however, overpluck my eyebrows and wear brick red lipstick.

I'm kidding, I didn't do that either.

As They Grow

For any of you who enjoy spending copious amounts of money for your kid's clothes and toys, go here and here.

For the rest of us, there is a semi-annual consignment event called As They Grow coming up this weekend (Sept. 17-19) that you should check out. Its happening at the 95 and Decatur next to Toys R Us and there are over 30,000 pieces of merchandise (clothes, toys, nursery furniture, baby gear, etc) to choose from. The whole thing is run by 3 moms and their army of volunteers.

I went and previewed them today, and I felt this itch to just start grabbing stuff and running to the register. I have a feeling it might be a little crazy once you get other moms in there who want the same stuff you do. I'm anticipating some tug o' wars and maybe a sucker punch or two.

It seems that the best way to shop is to volunteer to set up the event, because volunteers get to a) handle a lot of the items so they can see what is being sold and b) they get to shop before the general public and get first pick on all the really awesome deals. So it's too late for you to volunteer now, but for $2 you can still get in with the general public and wrassle a soccer mom or two.

As I went browsing through the aisles, I found numerous things I'd buy in a flash. This is also a particularly good place to shop for new moms, because they have an amazing selection of 0-12 months and tons of strollers and baby gear.

They tell me that many moms bring a laundry basket with a belt attached that they use to drag around the place as they shop. They also leave their kids behind so they can focus on the very serious business of bargain shopping.

I will probably do neither. I will bring the girls as human shields.

And anyway Ivy is old enough to double as a pack mule.

Check out some of the stuff I found.

Doll bed with pink bedding, $8

Another one with yellow bedding! I could totally get one for each of my girls so they don't fight over it!!!

Cupcake costume, $20. Having the best costume at the Halloween party: Priceless

 And here are some general photos of the place.

If you get down there this weekend, leave me a comment and let me know what you thought and what cool items you found!

Summer, You Are Dead to Me

That's right, Summer. I am turning my back on you FOREVER.

Or at least until next year.

It took a trip to Los Angeles to make me realize that in other parts of the country, autumn is already here. Nearly every day there was overcast and chilly, just the way I like it. But the seemingly eternal summer in Vegas had so confused me, that I thought autumn was still months away. I had barely registered that it was September.

And perhaps here in Vegas, it is still true that autumn is months away. Some years, we have had Hot Halloween. I hate Hot Halloween. It is so wrong. 

But the trip to L.A. made something click in me. I am re-energized. I suddenly want to start doing stuff.

So I decided I am going to ignore the 100 degree weather, crank up the air conditioning to fuzzy sock conditions, and pretend the chill in the air is real. There is nothing I can do about the eternally cerulean skies, though. I'm thinking sunglasses indoors will do the trick.     

Here is my zesty, crisp, refreshed, Autumn To Do List:

1. Sharpen a bouquet of pencils
2. Clean out the garage
3. Bake something with cinnamon
4. Start writing my Christmas crafts list (I am making presents, not buying them)
5. Drink something hot and pumpkin-y
6. Start planning my girls' November and December birthday parties
7. Eat some red apples (I don't why this makes me think of fall, but roll with it)
8. Scrapbook something

That's all I have so far. Am I missing anything? What's on your Autumn To Do List?

Advice for When You Accidentally Drop Your Brain Out of Your Uterus

I went to dinner tonight with some ex-coworkers, who are now the current co-workers of my husband. I accompanied him as my wifely duty dictates - to love and obey, and to be his arm candy. That second part is biblical, look it up.

As you may have noted via my previous tweet, having dinner with ex-coworkers when you do not have a job is a really special kind of awkward.

Here are some actual questions I have fielded in the past while accompanying my husband to office functions:

Q. So, what do you do all day?
A: Pop bon bons and watch my stories.

Q. What do you do with all the free time you have now?
A:  Get mani/pedis/facials every day. My beauty routine takes up the time I would usually use to work.

Q. When are you putting your kid in preschool?
A. Never. My kid has the rest of her life from age 5 onward to try and distance herself from me. I will be using the first 5 years to convince her that she cannot live without me.

Q. When are you coming back to work? 
A: Not with you. Not ever. I have better things to do with my time. See above answers #1, 2 and 3.

Actually, the truth is I try not to say too much because I can feel the judgement hurtling through the air at me at 200mph. Some may think that religious people are judgemental. I propose trying to explain why you are not going back to work for a very long time to the people that once saw you as an ambitious career woman. You get blank stares that are used to cover up scornful smirks. And then witness the awkward half-turn as they scan the room for someone "worthwhile" to talk to.

Because apparently my brain fell out via my uterus when I had kids.

Plop. Hoooly mackeral. My brain just done fell out my uterus, how 'bout that!

Aaaanyway, back to dinner. For all you former career women turned home makers, this advice on how to manage dinner with ex co-workers is for you.

1. Your cell phone slash iPhone slash Blackberry will be your lifeline for the evening. Use it to text your BFF about how no one is talking to you while the conversation about ROIs and RIFs flies around you. Appearing busy with something will help minimize the awkwardness when everyone realizes you have nothing to contribute to the conversation.

2. Uh oh. There is no phone reception in this restaurant. Bars are down to nothing. Emergency calls only. Unless you think 9-1-1 is going to have a sense of humor about it, put the phone down. A second/third/fourth glass of wine is now your lifeline. And your new BFF.

3. Order the most expensive thing on the menu. They owe you that much for the years of your life you gave them as they slowly crushed your will to live.

4. Try to draw the conversation towards things that happened while you were still working there. It will only be strange for a few minutes while they remember the good old days. Once they are in "reminisce mode" they will forget that this was 4 years ago and completely irrelevant to what is going on in the company now.

5. Try to appear interested in the conversation at hand. The wine should help with that. It will also make the evening go quicker if you participate rather than just sit there like a lump. If point #4 doesn't work too well you can also try steering the conversation towards current events.

6. Make at least 2 lengthy trips to the ladies room to primp in front of the mirror. Snap photos of the hideous bathroom wall art so you can make fun of it on your blog. Here are the ones I took.

Shhh...my brain also fell out of my uterus. That's why I paired a pink hat with green gloves.

I still have my brain, but I hid it inside my kryptonite earrings to keep it safe from hungry zombies.

I Rock...

...because I am watching my friend's 2 kiddos and I just got 3 out of the 4 children to take a nap! The only one still holding out as of this moment is, of course, Ivy. She always insists that she hates to sleep. But even she is in bed, and since this morning's wake-up call happened at 6am I am feeling pretty good about the chances of her also falling asleep.

UPDATE from 5 seconds ago when I wrote the above paragraph: Ivy is also asleep! 

I have conquered the world!!!

You may think climbing Everest or being Alexander the Great is how one conquers the world, but it is not. Getting 4 children (2 of which are not yours) to nap, now THAT is conquering the world!! Even if this beautiful moment lasts only 5 minutes, this is an amazing moment in history.

Granted, although 4 out of 4 kids being asleep makes me feel like I won the Iron Woman of Mothering, I know a lot of this has to do with circumstance. An early wake up call, bellies filled with juice and a snack, a certain kindly disposition towards me by the LORD, etc. etc.

But still. I think I will revel in this as a major victory anyway!