How to Potty Train

Wow, I have really been slacking on the blog posts. But I have a reason for that, truly I do.

In fact, I even dropped a hint of it in my last post, but NO ONE noticed! I think I am going to wait a while and see if anyone can come up with a good guess. Not that I blame you for missing the hint, it was subtle.

In the meantime, since the last post and now, I will update you on what else has been going on. I have actually potty trained Violet, and that went so remarkably well that I really could not say anything sarcastic about it. Which is a shame, because you know how much I enjoy my sarcasm. And how sad I get when I cannot take aim and shoot it at people or things like little stinging bullets... pew! pew! pew!

So the very first day Violet was at the potty like a champ. Inside of a week she was completely potty trained. I would like to brag about how fantastic I am, and about how I am the. best. mom. ever.  But the truth is that Violet was totally ready. Case in point, I noticed she was going #2, and asked if she would like to try going in her potty. She calmly told me, "No tank you, I'm just gonna go in my diapa'...."

Sweet cheeks, if you can tell me that you are choosing to poo in your diaper, then you are totally ready to poo in the potty. Commence Operation Potty Train Violet. I donned my camouflage house robe, armed myself with stickers, potty charts, and Poopy Presents (cheap little toys wrapped up as gifts to motivate her to poop in the potty), and my Ultimate Secret Weapon, which fascinates little toddlers so much that they cannot wait to use the potty again. Are you ready for it?

This, my friends, is the Potty Dance, and it works like a charm!

The Haul

I feel accomplished. Specifically, shopping has been accomplished at the As They Grow event, going on this weekend through Sunday.


Do you want to see what I found? Of course you do, don't even pretend you don't care. This is just a small sampling of all the amazing finds.

Beatrix Potter dress, $10. Cuuute!!!

Stride Rite shoes, $2! (Ivy already scuffed them as you can see)

Moses basket, $10!!!!

Adorable 40's-style drop-waist dress, $4.

April Cornell night gown, $7.

Gymboree smocked summer dress, $5.

Cap-sleeve summer dress, $2.

I also got a play oven for $3 and a Snow White, Prince Charming and woodland animal set for $3 that I am too lazy to take pictures of.

I should also tell you that Sunday has a 50% markdown on many items. The things that were already dirt cheaper are now even dirt cheaper.  If you have missed the event so far, do NOT miss this last day!

Time for Shopping and Fabulosity

Guess what?

I am going shopping.

So what?

SO, I am going shopping at the As They Grow event!!

Ah, yes, that takes on new meaning, doesn't it? Did you brave the insanity last year? And by insanity I mean the AWESOMENESS.

Insane = awesome, because it is a known equation that any time you combine extremely low prices with incredibly unique finds (that normally cost way too much money) then you have mom cat fights, skirmishes, and all-out brawls. That is the insane part. But the awesome part is that at the end of it all, everyone still manages to come away with treasures for their child's bedroom or wardrobe.

And I am one of the lucky few to get to shop the Pre-Sale on Wednesday evening. Why? Because I am volunteering my time, my delectable writing skills, and blog coverage. I wrote the inside scoop on shopping and consigning with As They Grow for AOL City's Best, so read it and if you are not shopping the Pre-Sale, then weep.

I'm kidding, please don't cry. Last year I shopped with the general public and I still found numerous treasures, like a brand new Gymboree riding jacket for $7, for example. So even if you get in with the hoi polloi you will still get to be a part of something pretty fabulous.

It has to be experienced to be understood. So I would recommend that every parent in Vegas who reads this blog take a trip down there this weekend to see why I am so excited about the whole thing. Do it.

Do. It.

The only thing you will regret is not going. Trust me.

Resistance is Futile

I am resisting the power nap today... resisting.... resisting.... arrrrggghhhh!!!! It hurts!!!

Power Nap

I took a power nap today. Just FYI, power nap is short for Powerful Nap. Because mine was seriously powerful. I started feeling very sleepy around noon and figured it was Violet's naptime anyway, so I could just lie down with her for a few.

I mentioned to Ivy how tired I was. In all her 4 year old wisdom, she said, "You go ahead and lie down wif Violet. I'll just stay up and play vewy quietly." She sounded so reasonable. Even though I knew she was just trying to avoid a nap of her own, I decided to go for it. I would nap with Violet while my 4 year old played unsupervised. Sounded like a responsible idea, at least in my exhausted mind. Besides, I would only be about 5 or 10 minutes and then I could get up and make her some lunch.

I gratefully laid down with Violet, and as I immediately started drifting into blissful rest, it occurred to me that this was probably not a good idea. What if Ivy wrapped something around her neck and suffocated? What if she tried to eat a snack and choked? What kind of a parent am I, anyway?? All these thoughts came to me as I was drifting off into my Powerful Nap. But I was past the point of no return. The Powerful Nap had me in its inexorable grip. I struggled feebly against it, but this was a black hole of sleepiness from which I could not extricate myself. As I got sucked deeper and deeper into it, the thought crossed my mind that Ivy was actually extremely quiet. Unnaturally quiet. And then, nothing... I was totally asleep and most likely drooling a little.

As time went on and I replenished my energy a little I was able to struggle a little to the surface, but not enough to actually stir in any way. I could not hear Ivy at all. She was probably dead by now. Hm, well then it's too late anyway, my subconscious whispered evilly, no point in waking up now....

I drifted back into the welcoming blackness, who knows for how long, unable to muster up any sort of ability to wake up. Four years of sleep deprivation had finally caught up with me.

Eventually, Ivy came into the room to wake me up. She was alive and well, and apparently very hungry since she had missed lunch while I was busy being a neglectful parent. I glanced at the clock with bleary eyes. An hour had passed. An hour in which my daughter played quietly all on her own without accidentally dying. Thank God. Next time I will think twice about submitting to the urge for a Powerful Nap.

What do you do when you are exhausted beyond all comprehension and you have no one to help with the kids? Do you still try to power nap?

Las Vegas Family Fun for $10 or Less

The follow up to my article on play dates for $5 or less is family activities for $10 or less, which you can read here at AOL City's Best. Did I forget anything? Leave me a comment and let me know if you have some good suggestions!

Is My Daughter a Sociopath? Part II

I have been asking myself this question because of her propensity for inflicting pain - you can get the details here.

Truth be told, I have been getting some results lately in trying to get her to stop the madness. I was at my wits end. I applied time outs faithfully, but it didn't seem to be doing much for averting the behavior. I had a talk with my very wise mom, and she advised me not to react emotionally to Violet's violence.

She told me, in her infinite wisdom, to be extremely calm. I had been reacting emotionally and getting angry. Not because I was angry, but because I thought it would make more of an impact if she saw my disapproval very clearly. Apparently not the way to go.

So I started applying time outs as recommended: very even-toned, matter-of-fact, and other words that have dashes in them. And LO! it has been working brilliantly. This, however, is not how I found out the truth about whether Violet is a sociopath. Even sociopaths can change their behavior if they want to, and if it serves their cunning purposes. For all I knew, she was trying to lull me into a false sense of complacency before attacking for real and stringing up the family on a clothes line. I mean, so far, I had never seen her yawn when someone else yawned (a sign of empathy).

But I discovered the truth by one simple method: Dumbo. Say what now? Oh yes, I said DUMBO. Specifically, the scene where the mom is jailed and she tries to stick her trunk out to touch Dumbo. The thing is, the scene is so powerful that I cry every time - because it is just that sad, and Dumbo is illustrated so brilliantly that he really seems like a little child.  In case you don't know what I mean, here it is. Get your hanky ready.



So Violet watched this scene, and then came running over to me, tears glistening in her eyes.

"Mom, why Dumbo? Why Mommy? Why jail?" She had actual little tears forming and they were slowly trickling from her eyes. She was...sad. She pantomimed the mom cradling Dumbo on her trunk. "Mommy need her baby!" This wasn't like her usual crying, like when she is upset that she didn't get her way, or like she needs a nap. It was just this trickle of tears leaking from her eyes. And she looked so, so sad. She was...empathizing!

Bingo! And that, my friends, was the moment I knew definitively that Violet was not a sociopath. At this point I am breathing a big sigh of relief. Between the knowledge that she is normal, and my new time out technique, things are seriously turning up roses. 

Is My Daughter a Sociopath? Part I

My darling little daughter, Violet, has always been rather... well, violent, to be honest. Which is ironic, because when she was born, both of my parents objected to the name because it sounded way too close to the word violent (in English and in Spanish).

Sure enough, from the time she had control over her arms, she was violent. She would do something I called a "face tear". From her cozy little spot in my Sleepy Wrap sling she would reach out an arm and making a claw hand she would use her tiny, sharp little baby nails to scratch my face when I least expected it.

She would seem to be snoozing peacefully, begin to stir, and out came the Claw of Death. FACE TEAR!

She would be done nursing, I would sit her up to burp her, and FACE TEAR!

I would nuzzle her soft, fragrant little face in the mornings, pull back a little to gaze lovingly upon her, and BAM. FACE TEAR!

I'm not going to lie, I bled. And it hurt - mostly in my tender little mommy heart, that my own child would hurt me.

And the trend did not stop there. The older she got, the easier it was for her to hurt others. Especially Ivy. And poor Ivy, she is not a fighter. Violet will hit her, scratch her, push her, and bite her - most recently in a major biting incident that left marks and nearly broke through Ivy's skin. Many times the attacks are unprovoked from what I can tell. The biting incident was triggered by Ivy putting away her toys. She wasn't even interacting or fighting with Violet. Violet just takes it upon herself to seek and destroy. And Ivy never, ever fights back. Ever.

Violet just doesn't seem to care. So naturally, I start to think maybe she is a sociopath-in-training. Surely, she would be moving to killing small animals soon, I thought to myself. And then 11-12 years from now when she is a strong and especially conniving teenager, she is totally going to bump me and Phillip off.

How do I fix this? How do I find out if she is really a sociopath??

"...I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti."

Stay tuned for Part II, where I find out the truth about Violet!