Las Vegas Mama

Okay, listen up reader peeps. Your commenting has been really lacking in the last couple of days. Am I that boring? Okay I cannot even write that without chuckling. We all know that I am Wit Personified. If Wittiness had a face, it would be mine. If Cleverness had a name it would be Las Vegas Mama. If Fabulous had a blog, it would be this one. Nonetheless, I fully admit that I failed to issue you all a formal invitation to comment. Therefore, consider yourself invited.

I am going to abdicate my position as mother and probably go on an extended vacation. I am handing over duties and responsibilities to Ivy. I think she is ready. I have written a short play, based on actual events, to demonstrate my reasons for thinking this. La Petite Maman , By Andrea The Scene: Breakfast The Players: Ivy - a precocious 3 year old, and Violet - a fiesty 18 month old. Ivy sits quietly at the kid's table, eating her toast. Violet's food has also been served, and is getting cold. Violet enters stage left. Violet: abalsanama caladmsla. Ivy: Eat your food, Violet. Sit down. Violet (casually) : blajajamdmhsa. Ivy: Violet, you need to eat your food now. Instead of sitting, Violet takes Ivy's napkin. Ivy: Violet!! I'm using that! Give it back. Violet: No. Ivy: Don't you sass me! Violet defiantly throws the napkin in the trash. Ivy (in her best "how dare you" tone) : Violet?! That is rude! And condescending. You get a ...

...The hand towels are usually missing from their spot, even if I just replaced it. So if I happen to have a roll of paper towels handy, I will wipe my freshly tooth-brushed mouth on the paper towel roll. Not on a paper towel. On the whole thing. And then I will leave it right back where I found it, for the next time. 'Cause that's how I roll.

Ivy: Look, Mom! (taking a dry boogie out of her nose) It looks like an asparagus! Me: Here, put that on this napkin. Ivy: No, that's ok. (carefully places boogie back in her nostril) Me: What are you doing? Ivy (shrugs): I'm just putting my moco* back. Me: Why? Ivy: It's a baby moco . It's crying, it wants its mommy. T he shriveled up baby moco falls back out of her nose. Me: What happened? Ivy: The mommy moco pushed it out. Me: Why? Ivy: She thought it was a monster Ivy tries to put it back in but it keeps falling out. She accidentally drops the moco. Ivy: Uh-oh! I just lost it. Me: Where did it go? Ivy: It died. It's in Heaven now. I'm sorry. * Moco means boogie in Spanish . Pronounced "moh-koh". This is your word for the day.

Ivy: BUUUUURRRRRRRP! Me: Ivy! What do we say? Ivy: Pardon my French. I blame my husband for this.