Las Vegas Mama

I decided to time travel to the past to warn my past self of something. Here is the note I will leave for Past Me, from Future Me. Dear Me from the Past, I am coming to you from the Future to warn you. Before you start wondering, the answer is NO - you are not skinny yet. When that happens I will be sure to come back and let you know so that you can go out with a bang right before hand and glut yourself on chocolate and cheeseburgers. So, Past Me.... here is the warning. Next time you decide to not to intervene when the girls start fighting, to see "what happens", bring the vomit bucket. Seriously. You are about to have your peaceful morning disturbed in a big way. Ivy will be in front of the mirror. Violet will push herself in front of Ivy because she wants to "clean" the mirror with a wipe, a la Snow White. (Side note to self: buy stock in baby wipes, Violet LOVES to play with them and you will go through them like water. You will be totally rich) Ivy w...

...Is coming over my house today? To clean everything, steam clean my carpets, iron, wash dishes, mop, sweep, do laundry, and entertain my children, while I do this:   Let me know. I'll be waiting.

I went to sleep late last night because I felt the need to watch Scrubs episodes on hulu.com, and snack on a late night PB&J. The quietness of the house after everyone is asleep is my haven. This is when I can just veg out and finally RELAX. No tugging on my arm, no "mom! mom! look at me!", not even a husband to chat with. Just me and whatever I want to do. Mostly I want to recoup my sanity and remember that I am a person. Not just a boogie-wiper. Not just the hand that feeds them. Not just a play mate who re-enacts Disney movies over and over. So heck yeah, I will watch adult-appropriate content on Scrubs! I will eat late at night if I want to. The No More Food After Dinner, and If I Do Give in to Your Baby Bird "Cheep! Cheeps!" Then You Can Just Have Some Fruit Rule does not apply to me ! And oh yes, I will pee with the door shut in total, utter and complete silence!!! It was good. Oh, so good. A girl could get used to this. Of course, I am paying for...

Someday, when the girls are overly sensitive teenagers trying to fit in, I am going to tease them about the fight they had today over Ivy's violin. Neither one of them could bear to share it, and I had to break it up numerous times as they scuffled over it. I figure this will be first in a long line of embarrassing things, along with naked bath pictures, I can hold over their heads as a "stick" to keep them in line. I think I need to open a file. I will call it, "Press Release In The Event of Teenager's Disobedience". From this you can safely assume I fear the day they become teenagers. Hm, maybe I should have put this one under Things That Give You The Heebie Jeebies .

With all my desire to "get away" and have some "peace and quiet" I thought I would be partying it up without a backward glance. I did not anticipate that I was going to miss the girls as much as I do. It's strangely heartbreaking to sneak out in the middle of the night while your children are peacefully sleeping. Ok enough sap-talk, I'm off to have a mimosa. Oh shoot. In Spanish mimosa loosly mean cuddle bug. That makes me think of cuddling with my babies. Dang it. Make that 2 mimosas.

...means dressing your toddler while she does a death roll across the living room floor.

...you wake up in the baby's room at 4am and try to comfort her for no apparent reason.

Alarm Clocks Darth Vader (Evil 24/7) Exercise

Have you ever been so tired that you fall asleep in a strange position for a really long time? I did t hat this morning after fetching Violet from her room and bringing her into my bed for some early morning napping. An hour later, I woke up with the right side of my face and neck completely numb. If I had been less groggy I would have tried to chase the girls around the house like a deranged female Phantom of the Opera... and not even the romantic crooning Phantom that my half-face resembled. I would have been the scary Lon Chaney version. Only much scarier because of my fierce morning dragon breath and my sleep-tangled hair.