The Brunette Rapunzel
I am the brunette Rapunzel of my day.
Even though in the new Disney movie she becomes brunette at the end when the magic is gone, I would like to say that my magic is still here. But its not here, the magic is really dead. My hair is ridiculously long, and I will tell you why.
It is ridiculous that when I sleep my long tresses get caught beneath my shoulders. Sometimes, if I roll around too much it wraps around my neck.
It is ridiculous that when I eat I get crumbs and even bits of food in my hair as it flows over the front of my shoulders and down to the table and practically to the floor. Like an oh-so-sexy mustache food-catcher. Almost too horrifying to even admit.
It is ridiculous that my hair is so long that when I am cooking dinner my hair sautees the veggies in one pan while my hands cook the chicken in the other pan.
It is ridiculous that I can use my hair as a nursing sling. Double ridiculousness points because I don't even have a nursling anymore.
It is ridiculous that my hair can work the mouse and the keyboard, and is typing this right now.
It is ridiculous that I could actually murder someone with my hair in more than one way, if I were the murdering kind. Which I am not. But if I were, I could a) strangle b) trip someone down the stairs c) tie them to a rock and leave them to be eaten alive by vultures under the desert sun (and when I say "leave", I mean I would sit in the shade of the rock while the nastiness went down.) Then I would have to try and get the vulture smell out of my hair, and I really don't think Paul Mitchell makes an Anti-Vulture Clarifying Shampoo. And even if he did I could not afford the buckets of shampoo I now need to wash my hair.
It is ridiculous that I can write an entire post about how ridiculously long my hair is.
And even though I could have just tweeted "I need a haircut", I decided to share this ridiculousness with you, dear bleeps. Who has a good recommendation for a hair salon in Vegas? If a salon gives me a free haircut I will review it right here on my blog. Free-ish advertising for the salon, and very free hair cutting for me. Also, I will be freed from the chains of my lustrous locks. Win-win-win!
Even though in the new Disney movie she becomes brunette at the end when the magic is gone, I would like to say that my magic is still here. But its not here, the magic is really dead. My hair is ridiculously long, and I will tell you why.
It is ridiculous that when I sleep my long tresses get caught beneath my shoulders. Sometimes, if I roll around too much it wraps around my neck.
It is ridiculous that when I eat I get crumbs and even bits of food in my hair as it flows over the front of my shoulders and down to the table and practically to the floor. Like an oh-so-sexy mustache food-catcher. Almost too horrifying to even admit.
It is ridiculous that my hair is so long that when I am cooking dinner my hair sautees the veggies in one pan while my hands cook the chicken in the other pan.
It is ridiculous that I can use my hair as a nursing sling. Double ridiculousness points because I don't even have a nursling anymore.
It is ridiculous that my hair can work the mouse and the keyboard, and is typing this right now.
It is ridiculous that I could actually murder someone with my hair in more than one way, if I were the murdering kind. Which I am not. But if I were, I could a) strangle b) trip someone down the stairs c) tie them to a rock and leave them to be eaten alive by vultures under the desert sun (and when I say "leave", I mean I would sit in the shade of the rock while the nastiness went down.) Then I would have to try and get the vulture smell out of my hair, and I really don't think Paul Mitchell makes an Anti-Vulture Clarifying Shampoo. And even if he did I could not afford the buckets of shampoo I now need to wash my hair.
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| I could totally hold someone captive, just like this. |
It is ridiculous that I can write an entire post about how ridiculously long my hair is.
And even though I could have just tweeted "I need a haircut", I decided to share this ridiculousness with you, dear bleeps. Who has a good recommendation for a hair salon in Vegas? If a salon gives me a free haircut I will review it right here on my blog. Free-ish advertising for the salon, and very free hair cutting for me. Also, I will be freed from the chains of my lustrous locks. Win-win-win!
I've gotta see just how long this hair is!!
ReplyDeleteHilarious. And I, too, doubt that Paul Mitchell makes the anti-vulture shampoo, though I'm intrigued to find out if you discover it does.
ReplyDeleteKristin Kowal at Suite One on Charleston & Hualapai is AMAZING. She's been doing my hair since shortly after I moved here.
ReplyDeleteHow much are you cutting off? Are you going to donate to locks of love? Kristin just donated to locks of love. Her daughter also has.
http://www.kristinkowal.com
hilarious! Also, how weird is it that "mursling" and "nurse sling" are so similar? dun dun DUUUUUUUUN.
ReplyDeleteI meant nursling, not mursling. lol.
ReplyDeleteI just chopped mine off, 4-5 inches in fact. So know all to well how it is to have your hair wrap around your neck while you sleep, only to wake up in a cold sweat because you were having a dream about someone trying to choke you in a dark alley. Ok, so maybe I need therapy now... But anyway. FYI FOR THE LOCKS OF LOVE DONORS: I hear that they SELL their wigs to cancer patients. How messed up is that? So I would think twice about donating your hair to Locks of Love-to-rip-people-off, Inc. You're welcome.
ReplyDeleteMarcela was going to donate her hair when she found out she had cancer, and before the chemo took it. But when she looked a little more into Locks of Love she decided against it.
ReplyDelete