Monday, July 28, 2014

That's not How This Works

Have you ever noticed that kids can be a complete jerk to you and then expect you to be nice to them? Of course, they do not realize they are being a jerk, and as their mother you are expected to be nice to them no matter what. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking, or maybe I am just an awful human being. But when they are mean to me, I do not want to be nice to them. I want them to suffer as they have made me suffer.

The other day my husband had to go on a trip out of town for work. Since the girls are all daddy's girls and they fall apart emotionally if he is gone for longer than the usual 8 hours (and they don't even like him leaving for that long), we planned some fun activities to take their mind off daddy not being home.

We planned swimming, and ice cream, and painting toenails, and even going to our favorite local confectionery store, Sweet Ruby Jane's to pick up a box of chocolates for the King of the House. The morning had gone fine, and then it was nap time.

I don't know about you, but with a 3 month old baby waking at night to nurse, I absolutely have to take a nap around noon or I simply cannot get through my day without fainting, basically. So PJ went down for his nap, and I had already put my 2 year old down for hers, and then it was my turn for sleep...glorious, glorious sleep!

But my children had other ideas. They kept coming into the room and just the sound of the door opening would wake me up. A few times they also woke up PJ. Then Rose got out of bed when she should have been napping and also started coming in to pester me, asking me things like, "Mom? Mom? You shleepeen?"

No, Rose. No, I am not sleeping. BECAUSE YOU KEEP WAKING ME UP.

The final straw was when both Violet and Rose burst into the room to get a very noisy toy that had been left in there. And then...MONSTER MOM. I sprouted horns and fangs and claws. I turned green. Not even a pretty pastel green, I mean ugly cammo green. Hulk green. Now that's ugly.

I went on a rampage and told them all the fun was cancelled. No swimming, no toenail painting. No ice cream. "But how about Sweet Ruby Jane's, for Dad?" Ivy asked innocently. "NO Sweet Ruby Jane's for Dad! If I can't sleep, then EVERYONE is punished!!!" I roared. 

And then I proceeded to make them clean the house. "You could have been playing right now if I were asleep," I hissed. "But since I am awake, you have to CLEAN!" I stalked around the house, slamming doors, fangs glistening and claws out, glaring daggers at them.

If I were a better mom I would have taken it all in stride. I would have sighed, smiled affectionately, tousled their hair and said, "Ok I guess we may as well get those toes painted!" But that isn't how this works. You cannot do things like that to me and expect me to be nice anyway. Someday, kids,'ll learn.

Wednesday, July 23, 2014

Sofia the First Review

Any mother knows that she needs a magic bullet in her mommy toolbox for when the kids are driving her crazy and she is dying of sleepiness. Sometimes, just sometimes, that magic bullet is in the form of TV. Since we are one of "those" people who do not own a TV, we turn to DVDs for our television entertainment.

Recently, we received a magic bullet in the mail from a very kind Disney PR rep for us to review. Since I am 3 months into the trenches of rearing a newborn, I jumped at the opportunity for a new magic bullet to add to my magic bullet squirt gun. In this analogy my magic bullets get shot from a squirt gun because real guns are scary. Plus, I have kids in the house, what kind of irresponsible parent would I be if I had real guns around the children?? You can picture my magic bullets popping out of the squirt gun in the shape of soap bubbles. Because that is what they look like. All mothers'
 magic bullets look different. They are like patronuses.

The DVD, a.k.a. magic bullet,  is called Sophia the First: The Enchanted Feast. This DVD will be available for sale on August 5th. There are 5 episodes in it and it came with a "magic mirror" in the DVD case, which the girls fought over. There should be an option to order a DVD that comes with a set number of magic mirrors. I would have ordered the one with 3 mirrors.

The girls were excited when it came in the mail and they hopped up and down, begging, "Please, please can we watch it???" Of course, like any good mother I made them jump through a few hoops before I gave in. They had to pick up their toys, bark like a seal, and also say, "We love you, Miss Hannigan!"

Like most Disney movies, the episodes are entertaining enough for even an adult to watch, and the animation is pleasantly bright and interesting. The little girl in me loves the gowns that the girls wear. The episodes all have a certain moral lesson to be learned, so I really liked that the girls would be getting that positive reinforcement. I thought it was really interesting that Snow White makes a magical appearance to help Sophia deal with a hard situation.

Side note: the butler looks and sounds remarkably like Tim Gunn... so I looked it up, is indeed Tim Gunn! Wayne Brady also does the voice of Clover the rabbit, which I thought was neat. Good stuff! All in all, I was very happy with the quality of the episodes, and I absolutely recommend this DVD as a gift for the little girls in your life.

So lock and load those magic bubble bullets, my fellow moms! And once you have tamed the little beasts, do what I do: take a nap!

Tuesday, July 15, 2014

The Laws of the Universe

Today I was invited to attend a free children's gardening event that is happening this Saturday, July 19th from 10am to 2pm at Plant World Nursery at 5311 W. Charleston Blvd. Its an event for kids ages 3-12, and apparently there is also going to be free ice cream. I should tell you that there is an animal sanctuary with exotic birds, tortoises, birds and turtles, which my kids will be totally fascinated with.

So I am pretty sure we are going. In fact, I think the laws of the universe absolutely demand that we attend. You see, the PR person for Plant World Nursery is a person by the name of Daffodil Flores. I am not sure if you are aware, but the name Flores means "flowers" in Spanish. She is the PR person for a plant nursery. I think that is so ironic that I cannot even wrap my brain around it. And hello! My children's names are Ivy, Violet and Rose. How could we not go??? I secretly hope to get a picture of Daffodil with Ivy, Violet and Rose. It would just tickle me pink.

If you are free on Saturday, I will see you there!