The Link Between Diapers and Vom

Ivy is 5 years old. And because she is practically a grown up at this point, I was thinking that it's time she starts earning her keep. To that end, I figured I should teach her how to change Rose's diaper.

Not that I mind changing diapers, but having Ivy do it could free me up to do other important things such as playing hopscotch. This is where I line up drinking glasses, fill them all with scotch, and drink every alternate glass. Maybe filling them with iced tea would be more prudent. But frankly, hoptea just sounds like a stupid made up game.

So a couple of days ago, I asked Ivy to come and change Rose. The moment she got close enough to smell the diaper, she gagged. Melodrama, I thought to myself as stifled an eye roll. I told her to forget it and not to worry about it - I would change Rose myself. But Ivy is a good girl and she really wanted to please me. "No, it's ok mom, I can do this," she insisted.

But as she tried to unbutton the onesie at the business end of the baby, she got a very strong whiff.

Gag!

I looked at her, trying to see if she would try keep her cool.

Gag!

Oh no, this really was serious!

Gag!

Abort! Abort!

Gag!

"Ivy, run away!" I cried.

She ran. As she went, I could hear "Gag! Gag! Gag!"

SPLASH!


The lesson I learned that day was twofold:

1) Ivy has a very sensitive gag reflex so diaper changes are out

2) A vomit comet of cheerios and milk is disgusting to clean up

I guess I now need to find another way for Ivy to earn her keep. I am thinking something like court jester. She has a good sense of humor, I bet she would love to dress up in colorful garb with a silly hat and regale me with fine tales and silly jokes.

Do you have any bright ideas I can use to have Ivy earn her keep?

The Sickness

Chocolate Sprinkles and Rubbing Alcohol

So I know I have talked about caffeine addiction, but because I am flawed and weak human being, I admit that addicted to chocolate as well. I have been using caffeine and chocolate to get me through stressful times, sleepy times, and just general times (as in, any time of the day). I had been keeping a candy stash, which was my go-to source when I needed a little pick me up.

But I knew this was totally unhealthy, so I had stopped buying a candy stash in an effort to curb the chocolate addiction. However, simply not having it around does not eliminate my craving for chocolate, sweets, and anything sugary.

This is why I soon found myself desperately searching the cupboards for anything that could be remotely considered a "sweet".

The only thing I could find was chocolate sprinkles in my baking cupboard.

This, of course, is not really chocolate. But it was all I had and I eagerly ate some. Bleh! They do not taste very good when not on cupcakes.

It suddenly dawned on me what I was doing was seriously pathetic. I am pretty sure I have hit a new low. Because chocolate sprinkles to a chocoholic is what rubbing alcohol is to an alcoholic. And I think I need professional help.