Showing posts from August, 2010

I'm Back!

Hello, world!

I am back. I have met my AOL deadlines, and now it is time to do some serious blogging. Ok, not really. I am still not in the swing of daily blogging and frankly I need a break from the computer. But what I am going to do is tame the chaos that has descended upon my household during this little working stint.

This endeavor has just confirmed what I already knew: I am not cut out for being a real working mom. It's just not worth it to me. Its strictly part time for me. And by part time I mean quarter time.

Money isn't everything, and I know that idea is tough for a lot of people to swallow. Money really isn't much at all. As long as I have a decent roof over my head and decent food to eat, I am ok with not having more. Money can be lots of fun. But based on the last couple of weeks, my quality of life is not going to improve with more money, it is going to disintegrate into dirty dishes, feral children, and a dog that has not had a bath in weeks. No thanks!


My Giant Kid

My 3 year old is a giantess. I am starting accept this. She always was a large-ish, dense sort of child. But over the last 2 years I have started having to buy 4T and 5T clothes while her peers were still in their 2T and 3T outfits. She now fits perfectly in 5T. If fits her so perfectly, in fact, that by the time cooler weather rolls around in another couple of months, I am going to have to buy her sizes 6 and 7 to make sure those outfits still fit her through the winter. Ivy will turn 4 at the end of December.

 Here are the numbers to prove her giantess status:
Average height for a 5 year old: 40 inches Average weight for a 5 years old: 39.6 pounds
Ivy's 3 year old height: 40 1/2 inches Ivy's 3 year old weight: 41 lbs

Calling All Vegas Peeps!

Hey everyone - my editor at AOL is in need of some serious help with these City's Best listings, and the hard deadline for EVERYTHING is Wednesday, a week from today.

You should have some experience writing, and be reliable. Some leg work over the phone is also necessary.

If you are in the Vegas area and you have some time to drive around the city on a fact-finding and photo-taking mission, email me at!

PS - And yes, it is a paid job!


Check it out. My little burned house plant not only survived its disfiguring accident, it continues to LIVE!!!!

Can you see all those little bits of new growth??? I am very excited about this. I think you should be too.

Should I name this plant "Little Phoenix" or "The Little Plant That Could"?

How Did this Happen?

I meant to get only 10 assignments this week and I ended up with 30. Its a race to the finish for AOL City's Best, so I think that after this week I will be done for real.

In the meantime, hang tight and I will try to post when I can.

Please don't give up on me yet - Las Vegas Mama is doing some serious Las Vegas stuff!

Wonder of Wonders

As promised, here is the video I was talking about in yesterday's post. I'm sure you will recall why I was so upset about the girls not swimming.

Granted, this development doesn't apply to Violet...yet. But I am sure that once she sees Ivy doing this kind of stuff, she will be quick to follow.

How did this happen, you ask? Good question! All I know is that a couple of weeks ago we had some friends over, and their kids swim like little fishies. Although Ivy would not put her face in the water when they were here, that week she suddenly became brave. And every time we went swimming she became a little braver... until...she can now swim across the pool!! 
I am a very happy mama.

Absence Makes the Heart Grow Fonder...or Forgetful

I know I have been slacking on my daily posts. I know you are all wondering what happened to me, since it has be like THREE DAYS since I posted. Lest you go into withdrawal, let me update you.

I just got a new part time freelance writing job working for AOL City's Best. That mean I go out and about Las Vegas to different shops, nightclubs, restaurants, etc., confirm their information, take photos, and write up a little description. Kind of what I do with the blog, except without my opinion, my muppet rating system, and less wordy. So not really like my blog.

Anyway, I get 20 listings per week but I am thinking I want to limit it to 10, because I have a one week deadline and I have this thing about feeling like I am actually working. I don't like it. The house has been chaos, dinners have been haphazard, and the girls have been watching way more videos than I care to admit. Its not my idea of living a good life.

Still, some of the places I am covering are really interesting, l…

A Gruesome Discovery

I found the body accidentally. I was just going about my business, never suspecting what I was about to stumble across. As I opened the container, I was planning on just grabbing a refreshing cucumber scented wipe, and moving on.

Instead, I recoiled in horror at the sight of a body stuffed in the container.

Why are kids so creepy? I mean, I absolutely adore my little darlings, but seriously. Lately they have been doing stuff that really creeps me out.

Tell me this wouldn't give you a start.

It makes me worry about what I am going to find next!

Charm Personified, Part II

I spaced out yesterday on including this part of the questionnaire. I love that they included the option to add "Other" substances!

 I think they should give "Chocolate" its own box, and leave the "Other" slot open for... well, I can't think of what else there is. Can you?

Charm Personified

Last night I was suddenly and unexpectedly flattened out by an upper respitory infection. I didn't know that is what it was at the time, I just knew I felt terrible and could not sleep.

This morning I called Phillip back home so I could go to the doctor. I have had enough pneumonia, bronchitis, asthma, and respiratory infections in my life to know this could be potentially very bad.

So I made it to the doctor's about mid morning. It was a new doctor, Dr. Johnson, because my usual GP had no open slots. In the waiting room I filled out the requisite new patient paperwork. I came across this section:

I figured I should be as honest as possible about my "work" situation, so I went ahead and filled it out.

By the time I got to the examination room an entire hour had passed. Actually, over an hour. It had been an hour and 15 minutes. I was beyond irked because waiting for a doctor longer than 15 minutes is my pet peeve. You may have seen my Twitter update saying that I was …

She Lost Herself

Ivy got lost in her room. No, really. She did.

In the middle of the night no less.

She started crying around 3AM last night, and I was awake and running to her in an instant. That cry (besides being extremely loud) was the "scared" cry. I knew my baby was in trouble. Sort of.

As I ran into her room I said, "Ivy! Shhh, I'm right here, what's wrong?"

"I can't find my bed!" she wailed.

"Where are you??"

"Wight heew," she sniffled. I followed the sound of her sniffling and found her on the other side of the room by her closet. "Ivy, what in the world are you doing here?"

"I just woked up, and I can't find my bed anymow!" Even though it was 3AM, I still had to chuckle a little. I imagine she must have rolled out of her bed at some point, and when she woke up and realized she was not in her bed anymore, she started crawling around in the dark looking for it. When she didn't find it, I think she panicke…

The Best Deal Ever

This past weekend I found maybe the best deal ever in the history of shopping. I went to the sale at Kid's Kloset, which if you recall I did alert you to.

I found this cute little Octopus-themed summer outfit:

Guess for how much. Seriously, guess.

25 cents.

For the set. I ended up spending $7 for a bunch of really cute clothes and shoes. I love a good deal, but this one was so good that it gave me heart palpitations. If you didn't make it out to the sale, you lost out!

Baby Zombies

Ivy likes to pretend she is a baby sometimes. She scooches, sucks her thumb, drools, and talks in nonsense syllables. Let me remind you that she is actually three and a half years old.

Today as she enacted this baby scene, she also flat out grabbed my chi chis, saying, "Chi chi...!!  zzzzzzzzhheeeee......zzzheee ... chi chi!" The "zzzhhheee" sound was like a zombie moaning sound, the kind that is made right before they eat your brains.

Then Violet, taking a cue from the Ivy Zombie Baby, started doing the same thing, grabbing my chi chis, squeezing them spastically, and joining in on the monotonous "Zzzzzzzzhheeeee......zzzheeezzzzzzzzhheeeee......zzzheee ..."

I drew away from them, telling them to cut it out. They were creeping me out. They clamored at my knees, reaching out with their skinny baby arms and clawing at my clothes with their sweaty little hands.  "Zzzzzzzzhheeeee......zzzheeezzzzzzzzhheeeee......zzzheee," they moaned eerily.

They a…

The Trap

We were driving home from an outing when from the back seat Ivy showed me that she had put her pencil with the fuzzy pencil topper in her mouth. The once fluffy pink tuft was soaked with saliva and looked disgusting. I took it from her and gingerly put it on the floor of the passenger side to be disposed of when we got home.

Ivy: Mom. Is that yo' pencil?
Me: Huh?
Ivy: I said, is that yo' pencil?
Me: No.
Ivy: Whose is it?
Me: Yours.
Ivy: 'Zacklee. So then why did you take it fwom me?

Ohhh SNAP.

This is the Life

This morning Ivy went into the kitchen and got breakfast for herself and for Violet!!!

That means, I HAVE ARRIVED. I don't know where I have arrived, but its somewhere really cool. I got to lounge in bed longer than usual while listening to the sounds of the girls eating breakfast. Granted, the meal only consisted of yogurt. I mean its not like Ivy fired up the stove and baked a quiche. Yet.

But when you consider the constant "I'm hungry! Mama, mama, I want to eat!" situation, which is my usual wake up call, this is a happy sparkle glittery sunshine development! I love it that they are both old enough to just get out of bed, go to the kitchen, and get food for themselves.

Of course, 2 minutes into my bed lounging I thought, "What if one of them chokes?" and I just had to get up anyway. How do you choke on yogurt? I don't know. Just leave me to my mommy instincts or I will attack you and tear your limbs off. That's part of the mommy instinct too. I …

Your Formal Invitation

Okay, listen up reader peeps. Your commenting has been really lacking in the last couple of days. Am I that boring? Okay I cannot even write that without chuckling. We all know that I am Wit Personified.

If Wittiness had a face, it would be mine. If Cleverness had a name it would be Las Vegas Mama. If Fabulous had a blog, it would be this one.

Nonetheless, I fully admit that I failed to issue you all a formal invitation to comment.

Therefore, consider yourself invited.

Which One of You...

...Is coming over my house today? To clean everything, steam clean my carpets, iron, wash dishes, mop, sweep, do laundry, and entertain my children, while I do this:

Let me know. I'll be waiting.

Story Time Fabulosity

I just found out the Barnes & Noble on Stephanie has a free story time and craft at 11am every Tuesday. Did anyone else know about this? It's indoors. It's free. It's all kinds of awesome.

Unlike other crafts that you have to pay for (such as the ridiculous Patticakes craft), this was worlds better!

When I got there they had this little set up, with the books laid out that they were going to read:

They started out with singing 3 songs, accompanied by a cd player. All the kids got up and danced around and sang with the story time leader. Apparently many kids come every week because they knew the words to all the songs, and the moms knew the story time leader.

And after the singing and dancing came story time about airplanes. And after that was the craft, which was simple but fun. They made paper airplanes out of construction paper and then used crayons to decorate them.

There were seriously like 20 kids there. This picture doesn't even show all of them. I would sa…

Sale Alert!

I just got an email from Kids Kloset (read my review here), and they are having a big sale on Saturday.

Here is the e-mail I got:

Huge summer bin sale from 8am untill supplies last. Going on this Saturday, August 7th only!!!
25 centsall clothes in the bins outside of the store. Inside the store, all clothes marked with a white tag will be 40% off!!! :)  (Excludes: uniforms, new clothes, winter clothes and not valid with any other offer like store credit etc.)
Um. 25 cents?? I am so there.

The Big Red Ball

So you know how Target has those giant red concrete balls in front of the doors? Here, let me refresh your memory.

Allow me to explain a near disaster which occurred when Ivy was just a couple of months old, involving the giant concrete Target balls.

The Situation: Exiting Target with Ivy in her car seat, which was in the cart.

Aggravating Factor #1: My new mommy-ness and the severe exhaustion had made me spacey... I mean, more spacey than usual. Which is scary spacey. Which means I probably should not have been allowed to drive for the first year of Ivy's life.

Aggravating Factor #2: I am 5 foot nothing, and I could not really see over the car seat as it sat in the cart, so my view was blocked from whatever was directly in front of me.

The Result: As I exited, I failed to notice the giant red concrete ball, and I crashed into it pretty hard with the cart.

Ivy didn't even flinch. But Phillip, being the new and protective dad, got pretty concerned, shall we say. He just couldn&#…

Crying Over Spilled Milk

Today is not a good day for milk. I know that sounds like a very dramatic and maybe even judgmental statement. But hear me out before you decide that I am an anti-bovine milk hater. Because I am not. I love milk. Usually.

This morning Phillip dropped a gallon of milk on the floor. The sound of it woke me up and sent me to the kitchen to see what was happening. The jug had slipped out of his grasp and the impact of it hitting the floor made it burst a seam. The result? A milk lake. All over the kitchen floor. And on part of the carpet adjoining the kitchen floor. Did I also mention it was about 6am? "I'll take care of it," I murmured sleepily. Phillip put towels on the lake until I could finish prying open my eyelids enough to see what I was doing.

Fast forward to lunch time. Both girls are drinking milk with their lunch. Violet drops her entire glass of milk all over the floor and all over the dog, who was haunting them for scraps. Now my dog doesn't just smell lik…

Puppet Head on a Stick

One of my pet peeves is broken toys. But what if one of those toys is a pop up clown puppet? And what if the puppet head on a stick is all that is left of it? Well, if you are not afraid of clowns then maybe you should be.

Because clown puppet heads on a stick will frickin' haunt you.