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Showing posts from October, 2010

My Halloween Mojo is Dead

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My Halloween mojo is dead. And not in a cool zombie undead way. I mean dead dead.

I usually love Halloween and relish in the thought of spookifying the house. Phillip and I usually try to come up with clever themed costumes, like the year we went as the Culture of Japan. I was a red paper crane, Phillip was a bonsai tree, and Ivy was a sushi roll. This was pre-Violet, otherwise she may have ended up as a high tech toilet. The Japanese love their fancy toilets, what can I say?

But this year I never did get around to decorating the house, and we never came up with the themed costume idea. I basically had to think up something on the fly because I "got with it" it way too late. So we decided that Ivy would be Marie Antoinette, using this gown, which I had already made:


So all I have to do it give her an updo, powder her hair white, powder her face and add a little rouge, and viola! That took care of that.

But what about Violet?

Hmmm.... Marie Antoinette... Let them eat cake....…

Just Another Day

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So today is my birthday. Wait, here....let's get in the spirit of it.



See, its a cake and a birthday present. I like to be efficient. Actually, its not really my cake, just a picture I found. I don't think I am getting cake today. Today is just another day. Phillip will be at work all day, and I have the car so unless I go get myself cake, it's not happening.

But you know what? NO. Today is NOT just another day. Today is MY day. So I am going to celebrate with the little things. I have compiled a list of Birthday Do's and Don'ts. Or is it Don't's?

I Do:
Eat cake.Exercise. I want to see a few extra birthdays.Make people do things for me and be extra nice because it's my special day.Change poopy diapers. Some things just can't wait until tomorrow.Tell everyone I see that it is my birthday and greedily suck up any good wishes that are given to me. Open presents.Take calls from my loving family and friends.Write down who did not call me, and make a note…

Wanna Laugh?

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This totally cracked me up, I do not know why. It just tickled my funny bone like you would not believe.


Its a beanie. For a baby. Its called... ready? .....  a Boobie Beanie! Normally I am a bit protective of the muppets, and prefer modesty in all things. But this is a nursing thing. It falls under the "natural" category, so it does not offend my sense of modesty. Granted, I may never want to put one on my baby, but I sure can appreciate it because I am very pro-nursing, and sometimes when you are nursing you feel all exposed, kinda like this. Whew! Still laughing...!

If you love it and must have it for your nursling, you can get it here.

Live From the Parking Lot at Joanne's...

Why does everything go down in the parking lot of Joanne's?

As I was loading the girls into the car after the lovely, grabby, run away from Mommy whine-fest that was our trip to Joanne's tonight, I heard a bloodcurdling scream behind me. I jerked my head in the direction of the scream just in time to witness a  5-ish year old girl shooting across the parking lot, directly in the path of an oncoming motorcycle.

The scream had come from her 8-ish year old sister. Fortunately, the motorcycle saw her and slowed, but her mom was mad. She angrily reprimanded her daughter for running into traffic, with her sister making her own additions to her mom's tirade in a stressed out tone. The mom was oozing stress as well, in her tone and her body language. I totally get that. When a kid does something like that, it is very upsetting. You want to make sure they never try something like that again, so the reprimand has to be equal in intensity to what they just did - so you can get the me…

And the Winner Is...

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So I was going to pick a winner via random.org, but then I found out that I have to pay for it. Which I was not about to do. And then I realized that I had this special knowledge that apparently no one else has - the knowledge of how to do a random drawing using paper and a pen. I am old-timey like that.

So I wrote everyone's name down on a piece of paper, folded them up, and had my lovely assistant Ivy draw a name out of the basket. Since Phillip took off for work with my purse and camera still in it I had to use my camera phone to capture the action.



The winner of the sweet little hand made apron is .... yogini cowgirl! Congratulations!

UPDATE: I forgot to mention this, but if anyone is inconsolably disappointed that they did not win, you can also purchase one from me for $20.

The War

There is a war going on. It is a very serious war that someone should make a ribbon about. You know, raise awareness and stuff. Maybe have a charity to take care of the war vets when they are wounded in battle.

It is a war with your children. Every day there are strategic battles, and those battle lines have been drawn in crayon. The great majority of these battles must be won in order to win the overall war.

Here is an overview of the most important battles in this war.

The Crayon Skirmish. The rule is "We only draw on paper." In reality, this battle has been lost by many parents on many occasions, including me. The proof? Crayon drawings on the couch, the glider, the kitchen table, the walls, the computer screen, and even the carpet. In short - everything but paper. This is a losing battle in homes across America. 

The Great Potty Training Battle. You want them out of diapers. They seem ready. They might even "pretend" that they are cooperating, like the wily …

The Sweetest Little Thing

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The giveaway is closed to new entries! I will be selecting a winner at random and will notify the winner soon!

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I am doing a giveaway for a beautiful, sweet little girls' apron. It ties around the back, has buttons down the front and has a cute little pocket for your chef-in-training to keep their mandolin or their chinoise in. Or whatever else fits. As you can see, it is pink with white polka dots and white trim. The buttons alternate in pink and white.





I made this myself, and I will make one for you too! Well, not really for you. Unless you are a child who is extremely adept at using a computer to visit blogs. Which there probably are some. But really, it is for your daughter, your granddaughter, your neighbor's daughter, your niece, your BFF's daughter, or any other little girl that you love enough to try and win this for. You can also see more pictures of the apron over at Airing My Dirty Laundry.

Entering is easy. Ways to enter are:


1. Follow my blog pub…

Conversations With My Mini-Me

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Ivy loves ballet. Mucho, muy mucho. So today she was talking about how she wants to go on point (en pointe). For those of you not conversant with ballet terms, this is being on point:

Purty, ain't it?
Here is how the conversation went.

Ivy: When I get 4 yeaws old, I am going to go on point.

Phillip: No....you can only go on point when Miss Alene says so.

Ivy (exasperated): Oh, fow goodness sakes, Dad, I'm not going on point now, don't woowy (worry) about it! I said I'm not going on point until I'm fouw! Tsk!

"Don't worry about it"??? Now that's sass, if I've ever heard it. But considering how funny something so teenager-ish sounded coming from a 3 year old with a lisp, it got a pass, a long laugh and a blog post.

Wry Baby: Raise Funny People

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There were so many things to see at the ABC Kids Expo, so each day after I left the Graco booth, I ventured out onto the floor to see what else was out there.

There were a lot of unique products - mom and pop operations that were launching their product for the first time at the Expo. I am going to be showing you some of what I found, but first I have to start with the highlight of my wanderings, which was running across the booth for Wry Baby.

What first drew me there was the giant sign that said "FUNNY". Well, that and this guy's snazzy white suit and handsome moustache. Very steampunk. I so dig it.



And I am so very glad that I did sashay over there, because as it turns out, I already knew his work. Phillip had found the images of his hilarious baby instruction manual and we spent time laughing together about it. AND you know what? I JUST REALIZED I even own one of his snapsuits! It was a gift for Ivy and it says "I Can't Read".

Allow me to give you a s…

My Big Break

I made another video, starring ME. This is my big break. I am going to be discovered, I just know it. Leave me a comment and tell me how much of a fan you are and how you are going to name your children and/or pets after me. Follow me on Twitter. Stalk me a little. Ok, do not stalk me. I will call the cops on you.

But you can totally dress like me, that would be cool. I am not sure where you are going to find such hip and stylish clothes, but it might be Target. I am neither denying nor confirming.




I have had so much fun with all of this, I feel so privileged to have worked with Graco at the Expo!

Don't forget to enter the giveaway of a Graco Direct Connect Baby Monitor!!

Find the Gratuitous Muppet Grab

My second day at the Expo with Graco was a lot of fun, though the girls wanted to climb into and onto everything so it has also be exhausting. I put together a little montage so you can see what it was like.

You had better enjoy it and leave me a comment saying so, because it took me forever to finish it. And I do mean "forever" in a slo-mo Sandlot tone: Forevah... foreeeevvvaaaah.....forevaaaaaahhhh....



By the way, did you spot Violet going for the Muppet grab?

Oh, and here is the YouTube link because my formatting is weird.

Graco Baby Monitor Giveaway! (ClOSED)

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Ok, I had 2 monitors to give away and I only got 2 entries! That made it easy enough. 

But for the rest of you who didn't even try - tsk tsk tsk!! I am wagging my finger at you because you didn't even make an effort to win an amazing and valuable monitor. And it was EASY. Oh well now I know. You guys are not video people.


Congratulations to Catholic Mommy and to Not Blessed Mama!! Graco will be sending the monitors your way!

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Okay, people, huddle up. I am doing my first ever giveaway!  
I know, you follow me because you love me, and not for the free stuff I give away. But now you will finally be rewarded for your loyalty.

Graco is giving two Las Vegas Mama readers a Direct Connect Baby Monitor! 

This one is another of my faves, it is one of their swankier models. It's a 2-way digital monitor with a talk-back feature. That means you can talk to the baby/toddler to reassure them or to tell them to stop their nonsense and go to slee…

Day One at the ABC Show!

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Today was Day One at the ABC Show with Graco. 

First, I have to tell you that the Las Vegas Convention Center is humongo. Second, I have to tell you that Graco's expansive booth was all the way at the end of it. Third, I have to tell you there was a gauntlet of adorable baby products that I had to get through to get to Graco's booth. Words do not describe the amazingness of all the fun baby stuff, so I am going to be posting pics all week to show you the innovative things people are coming up with.

Once I got to the Graco booth, it was totally worth the 1,000 mile trek. They gave me a tour of all their up and coming items. They have a lot of fun new things, and my suspicion is that they have several moms in their back pocket spilling all the really juicy secrets about what we want in a baby product. I think that might be like cheating. But I forgive them, because I am awesome like that. And also, because I want what they came up with.

Among my faves was a baby care set called…

Big Puffy Sparkle Hearts!

So guess what. I was approached recently by Graco. They kinda heart my blog. And I kinda heart them back. And I don't mean a plain old red two dimensional heart. I am talking big, puffy, sparkle hearts. That is how you know it is True Love.

And because they super double rainbow puffy sparkle heart my blog, they asked me if I would like to partner with them for an upcoming event in Las Vegas.

Um, yes, Graco. Yes. I would like to partner with you.

So I am excited about my upcoming adventure at the ABC Kids' Expo with Graco. I won't tell you more than that yet, because its a surprise. And I know how you love surprises. In fact, I was considering hiding out in the bushes outside your bedroom window to surprise you. But then I thought that might be creepy, so I suppose I can skip that and you can just be surprised with my next Graco post.


Full disclosure: Graco is paying me to partner up with them. But they do not own me. So that means I can take their money and still say whate…

Bump-Its Never Go Out of Style

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My sister-in-law Sara is town for a visit, which is going to be super fun.

We like to be all domestic and pretend we are sister wives. That means we wear each other's slips, bake pies, sew all our own clothes (long-sleeved high-collared floor-length light blue dresses), and wear bump-its in our hair.


While she is here we are going to try and inspire each other to be really Weight-Watchery and healthy. Unwisely enough, we are also we are going to hit up some serious cupcake places, like Retro Bakery, of which I have heard all sorts of amazing things.

We are also going to plan out our kids' birthday parties. She has an almost 2 year old son that ridiculously cute. He and Violet are only 10 days apart in age, so we get to be all mom-crazy about the party-planning.  I just noticed that there are a lot of dashes in this post. First person to count all the dashes - and correctly comment on how many there are - gets a special prize.

And that prize is the title of King/Queen of Amaz…

Halloween Costumes

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I need help figuring out what to dress the girls for Halloween.

Traditionally (and by traditionally I mean in the last 3 years), we have been very creative with costumes and we make them ourselves rather than buy them.

But this year I am having costume-block. We usually like to have the girls in a theme together, like last year when they were insects (a spider and a dragon fly). Here is the dragon fly from last year:



But this year I am drawing blanks. Can anyone out there offer me a unique or creative suggestion??? Otherwise they are going to be princesses, which for them is not that special because they dress up as princess on a daily basis!

What Made the Red Man Red?

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This is the question of the day, brought to you by Disney's Peter Pan.

I love how no one worries one iota about how racist that is, and how there is a whole song dedicated to such important questions as:

1) What made the red man red?
2) When did he first say "ugh"?, and
3) Why does he ask you "How"?

"Because, you see, once the injun didn't know all the things he know now. But the injun, he sure learn a lot, and it's all from asking 'How'?"

Indeed.

Let us ask our own "How", shall we?

How is it that the girls have seen Peter Pan this many times and the DVD hasn't cracked yet?
How is it that I have no TV, but the girls still spend this much time watching cartoons? 
How is it that I give the dog a bath every week but she still stinks?
How is it that I have been exercising a ton, eating healthy, and still not losing any weight?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
How did it take me this lo…

But I Don't Wanna!

It is early afternoon. The children are napping. The fridge is empty, and yours truly has to go to the grocery store and stock up for the week before the babes wake up, discover I am gone, and start giving Phillip a hard time because mommy isn't there to tend to their every need.

But guess what. I don't wanna! I don't wanna go to the store. I don't wanna put the groceries away! I don't wanna cook dinner tonight! I don't wanna clean up after and do dishes! I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna!!!!

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I guess that doesn't really fly, does it. I think throwing myself on the floor kicking and screaming and refusing to do what I had to do stopped working when I was like, 25.

I'm kidding, I meant to say 18.

Alright, fine. It stopped working when I was 5...but that does not mean I didn't keep trying it. In fact, I am going go try it again right now.

Saturday Replay - Slacker Mom Favorites

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Welcome to Saturday Replay, where I succumb to my laziness and repost a previous entry! I originally posted this one in June, and I don't think you all appreciated this enough the first time around. I need some comment love. Re-Enjoy!
Slacker Mom Favorites Favorite bowl or drink cup when all dishes are dirty:

Measuring cups


Favorite kid activity when mommy-energy is depleted:


Dragging out the inflatable and letting them jump on it

Favorite ninja vegetable sneak attack:

Lacing the spaghetti sauce with pureed zucchini

Favorite zero-mess snack:


No such thingas zero mess, moving on


 Favorite sleep substitute:


Double latte, sans foam art


Favorite no-effort kid lunch:

Microwavable chicken fingers and ketchup What is your slacker mom favorite?

It Is a Sad Day

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This morning I posted a message on Twitter:

Pls help child w/cerebral palsy get adopted! She was put in mental institution, she needs a mom! http://tinyurl.com/26yjrjn Pls Retweet!!

I expected lots of retweets. After all, it cost nothing, it is for a good cause and it takes nothing more than a click of the button. Time invested: 1 second.

Not hard, right?

Well, as of right now, only ONE of my followers has retweeted. It is a sad day. People would rather retweet celebrity gossip, or a promo for their latest giveaway or blog entry. But not this.

This little girl, Tori, is an orphan with cerebral palsy. She lives in Eastern Europe. Because she is physically challenged, they placed her in a mental institution, where others like her are largely neglected. She needs parents so badly.

Please, if you have any sort of heart, just tweet or facebook the link. If you can, donate. If you are an angel, adopt her. 

But don't ignore her. At the very least, please send this message out:

Pls help child w/…