I must be crazy.
This is the only conclusion I am able to come to after last night's sleepless extravaganza. It was the "puttin' on the ritz" musical dance number of sleeplessness. It was like the "Mandie" dance scene in White Christmas. Or like the "Gotta Dance" number in Singin' in the Rain. I may as well have worn a long sequined gown with white elbow-length gloves to bed.
Rose woke up about twice an hour, all night long, culminating in a tantrum at 5am. The main source of the conflict was her wanting to nurse back to sleep and me drawing the line in the sand because I was completely fed up.
But the truth is that this was just one night in a very long line of sleepless nights stretching back 6 years to when Ivy was born. That whole first year of Ivy's life was a real hoot. Being a mom has been the hardest job of my entire life. And yet....
I want to have more babies.
Like this many:
I realize these babies come with dirty diapers, powerful lungs they use to shriek at me when they need something in the middle of the night, and a need to be carried around all the time. But gosh darn it, I still love babies.
I want to dress them up in weird costumes for Halloween.
I want to snuggle them up in a cuddly sling.
I want to kiss their fat baby cheeks.
I do NOT want to lose more sleep and slowly watch myself age prematurely from lack of beauty sleep.
6 years ago I was the upper left image. Watch the progression to the
bottom right. That is what I will look like after I am done having kids.
See the desperation? That is what lack of sleep will do to you. There
is a reason sleep deprivation is a form of torture. I would sing like a
canary if I were just allowed to sleep!
And guess what? I plan on homeschooling them all.
I must be crazy.
Or an ambitious selfless human being!
(Definitely, definitely crazy.)