That's not How This Works

Have you ever noticed that kids can be a complete jerk to you and then expect you to be nice to them? Of course, they do not realize they are being a jerk, and as their mother you are expected to be nice to them no matter what. Maybe it's the sleep deprivation talking, or maybe I am just an awful human being. But when they are mean to me, I do not want to be nice to them. I want them to suffer as they have made me suffer.

The other day my husband had to go on a trip out of town for work. Since the girls are all daddy's girls and they fall apart emotionally if he is gone for longer than the usual 8 hours (and they don't even like him leaving for that long), we planned some fun activities to take their mind off daddy not being home.

We planned swimming, and ice cream, and painting toenails, and even going to our favorite local confectionery store, Sweet Ruby Jane's to pick up a box of chocolates for the King of the House. The morning had gone fine, and then it was nap time.

I don't know about you, but with a 3 month old baby waking at night to nurse, I absolutely have to take a nap around noon or I simply cannot get through my day without fainting, basically. So PJ went down for his nap, and I had already put my 2 year old down for hers, and then it was my turn for sleep...glorious, glorious sleep!

But my children had other ideas. They kept coming into the room and just the sound of the door opening would wake me up. A few times they also woke up PJ. Then Rose got out of bed when she should have been napping and also started coming in to pester me, asking me things like, "Mom? Mom? You shleepeen?"

No, Rose. No, I am not sleeping. BECAUSE YOU KEEP WAKING ME UP.

The final straw was when both Violet and Rose burst into the room to get a very noisy toy that had been left in there. And then...MONSTER MOM. I sprouted horns and fangs and claws. I turned green. Not even a pretty pastel green, I mean ugly cammo green. Hulk green. Now that's ugly.

I went on a rampage and told them all the fun was cancelled. No swimming, no toenail painting. No ice cream. "But how about Sweet Ruby Jane's, for Dad?" Ivy asked innocently. "NO Sweet Ruby Jane's for Dad! If I can't sleep, then EVERYONE is punished!!!" I roared. 

And then I proceeded to make them clean the house. "You could have been playing right now if I were asleep," I hissed. "But since I am awake, you have to CLEAN!" I stalked around the house, slamming doors, fangs glistening and claws out, glaring daggers at them.

If I were a better mom I would have taken it all in stride. I would have sighed, smiled affectionately, tousled their hair and said, "Ok I guess we may as well get those toes painted!" But that isn't how this works. You cannot do things like that to me and expect me to be nice anyway. Someday, kids, someday....you'll learn.



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