Las Vegas Mama

Violet got sick these last few days, and sleep has been patchy at best. This morning, Rose decided to add to the sleeplessness by waking up for the day at 6am. Painful. Phillip took Rose out of the room and kept her with him while he got ready for work and fed Ivy, and then he kissed us all goodbye and went marching off in the world to bring us home some bacon. I finally dragged myself out of bed, and walked into the kitchen to find this: Um, those are tiny little boxes!! I know what's in tiny boxes...tiny shiny things! I am like a crow. Not in that I am creepy and I hop in slow motion, but in that I love shiny things. I opened it all up (the card was propped up in the back by a box of chocolate), and you know what? I suddenly didn't care that I hadn't slept. I am married to the best husband ever.  You can't see it on the card because the chocolate (raspberry filled, my fave) is blocking it but the girl is holding a knife. Ha! He knows me well. For the ...

Ivy is 5 years old. And because she is practically a grown up at this point, I was thinking that it's time she starts earning her keep. To that end, I figured I should teach her how to change Rose's diaper. Not that I mind changing diapers, but having Ivy do it could free me up to do other important things such as playing hopscotch. This is where I line up drinking glasses, fill them all with scotch, and drink every alternate glass. Maybe filling them with iced tea would be more prudent. But frankly, hoptea just sounds like a stupid made up game. So a couple of days ago, I asked Ivy to come and change Rose. The moment she got close enough to smell the diaper, she gagged. Melodrama , I thought to myself as stifled an eye roll. I told her to forget it and not to worry about it - I would change Rose myself. But Ivy is a good girl and she really wanted to please me. "No, it's ok mom, I can do this," she insisted. But as she tried to unbutton the onesie at the bu...

So I know I have talked about caffeine addiction , but because I am flawed and weak human being, I admit that addicted to chocolate as well. I have been using caffeine and chocolate to get me through stressful times, sleepy times, and just general times (as in, any time of the day). I had been keeping a candy stash , which was my go-to source when I needed a little pick me up. But I knew this was totally unhealthy, so I had stopped buying a candy stash in an effort to curb the chocolate addiction. However, simply not having it around does not eliminate my craving for chocolate, sweets, and anything sugary. This is why I soon found myself desperately searching the cupboards for anything that could be remotely considered a "sweet". The only thing I could find was chocolate sprinkles in my baking cupboard. This, of course, is not really chocolate. But it was all I had and I eagerly ate some. Bleh! They do not taste very good when not on cupcakes. It suddenly dawned on ...

It's a lazy day today. I can't shake the sleepy from my eyes, but I don't care, because it's Saturday. There is something sweet and beautiful about Saturdays. All the toil of parenting during the week is relaxed because it is the weekend. I struggled all week long to keep the kids from watching videos in the stead of more mentally stimulating activities,  I schooled, I made nutritious-ish meals (or at least tried), I did laundry, I vacuumed, I picked up, I parented firmly. But today is Saturday, it's everyone's day off, right? Well ok, there is not really a day off for parents. But I am taking one anyway. This means that I lingered in bed even though I was awake, I made hot chocolate for the kids, and I put on a video for them. Today I am not going to cook, I am going to heat up pre-made meals. I am not going resist their cries of "more bideos, more bideos!" I am going to nurse Rose frequently so I can sit in one spot. I am not doing laundry and ...

Having a baby and being exhausted a lot of the time makes me feel really old and decrepit. Sometimes I see a picture of myself and I am surprised by how young I look, simply because I feel so old. And something about feeling old makes me want to at least fake youthfulness. In fact, I think this is what you call a mid-life crisis. Or a mid-childbearing crisis. I don't want to be matronly. I don't want to be called "Ma'am". I want to be youthful and be called "Miss". Sure, the correct term for a married woman with 3 children is "Ma'am". But I am throwing convention to the wind here because I pretty much want to pretend. I want to get hip. Be cool again (ok, I've never actually been cool, but I did say this was for pretends). So I took a little trip down to the fantastic Euphoria Salon for some  help. Here is before, at home with the baby. Clearly something needs to be done with those split ends either way. Soooo.... let's cho...

Things are getting more and more interesting around da hood. I have to call it "da hood" now because of all the crimes that seem to be happening around here. First, it was the theft . Now, it is murder. There was a dead body in our backyard. There was a gunshot wound. It seems someone thought it would be a good idea to do target practice on pigeons, and this poor guy fell out of the sky and right into our nice, clean, normally blood-less backyard. My children found the body. Great. Now I am going to have to put them into years of therapy to heal their trauma. Interestingly, the pigeon had a leg cuff on with an ID. Turns out it is a racing pigeon. Which brings up some other questions like, "How do you race a pigeon?" and "Who would ever want to race pigeons?" I don't really have an answer for those questions, but apparently enough people want to race pigeons to warrant an organization called the American Racing Pigeon Union . Since this seem...

Someone stole my stroller. Does this sound like a non-statement? Because to me, this is a big deal. Last week I had come home from running errands, it was late in the afternoon, all three kids were melting down and I was ready to faint from exhaustion. So I unloaded everyone, put them down for naps and passed out in my bed for an hour. I had to settle for the bed because I still don't have a fainting couch for some inexplicable reason. When Phillip got home he pointed out that that I had forgotten to close the garage. I scoffed at the importance of this. After all, I have become fond of pointing out to anyone who will listen that Henderson is the second safest city in the nation after Plano, Texas. Fast forward to this week. I had spent the entire morning getting everyone ready for a walk to the park. But when we went to leave I could not find the stroller, which had been in our garage. I called Phillip to ask him where he put it and he said he had neither seen it nor moved...

How can you battle caffeine addiction? Um, you tell me because I have no idea and I've been struggling hard against becoming addicted to caffeine. Heck, I even struggle against the idea of needing something like caffeine to get through my day. But the truth is that caffeine is like having a secret mommy superpower. Caffeine makes me brave. Caffeine makes me want to live my life to the fullest. I can accomplish things when I have had coffee. It...dare I say it? It makes me a better person. For example, when getting ready to go to the park with the kids, I normally just throw whatever on myself and the kids, and walk out the door. But when I have had coffee it makes me do crazy things like care about our appearance.   And, because I am nursing my 2 month old, she can also accomplish amazing things. When I have had coffee, I can do a million things at once - like clean everything while talking on the phone with caffeine-less friends, nurse the baby , and just about anythin...

Nursing a baby and multi-tasking does not always go together. In fact, it never goes together. Unless you are prompted by necessity. In which case, you do what you have to do, even if it is Cirque du Soleil-worthy. Which it often is. I present to you my list of things I have done while nursing: Plunge a toilet Drag a toddler bed out of the bedroom Eat breakfast, lunch and dinner Participate in a murder mystery Bathe my other children Cook dinner* Changing the baby's diaper. While I nurse her. Load/unload a stroller and/or bike into/out of the trunk of the car Do a load of laundry Put on makeup Grocery shop Blog (duh!) Put kids in time out Vacuum and mop the house Homeschool my eldest child Brush my teeth Take a shower Do a cartwheel Stand on my head Drink a glass of water while singing the Star Spangled Banner Ok, the last few may have been totally made up. Possibly. But you get the picture. Every time I do accomplish one of these feats I think to myself: ...

I've been putting it off for a long time, but I finally caved and created a Facebook page for Las Vegas Mama. Part of the reason I have been avoiding it is that I didn't want to have to maintain a both a personal and a blog Facebook account. But really, unless I wanted to "friend" everyone on the internet with my personal account, I needed to make a blog page. So here it is, I introduce you to the Las Vegas Mama Facebook Page . Please give me a "Like", and I will try to repay you by posting entertaining and fun updates. 

You've heard of Quick Take Friday? Well, this is Quick Take Saturday. And it isn't going to be 7 Quick Takes. It's four. I refuse to be pigeon-holed into providing quick takes of my life only on Fridays. I am way too much of an individual to be herded into the corral like that. So as an exercise in trying to get back to blogging regularly, I am going to give you a snapshot of my day today. Not that my day is so fascinating, but I need to get on the writer's treadmill and work off that postpartum brain pooch. So here we go. Phillip is working in the garage, because he has discipline and does what is necessary regardless of how tired or lazy he might be feeling. He doesn't just sit around blogging like some people I know, who shall remain nameless. He would punch a porcupine in the back if it needed doing. This is why he is my hero. Now that Christmas is officially over, the decorations and tree are coming down to make way for the treadmill. Apparently my brain...

What happened to me? I used to be funny and entertaining. If I scroll through my past posts, especially the ones from 2010, I was actually funny! I made myself laugh, and that is hard to do because I am a tough crowd. I know, you may be saying that I have three kids now and therefore no one expects anything from me anymore. Except for me to produce milk in copious and excessive amounts, thus making my baby balloon up into Cute Fat Baby with Plump Cheeks. Well, mission accomplished because my baby's cheeks would make a squirrel envious. Having three kids and no sleep is not an excuse! I need to get back to the reason I started this blog in the first place - to force my brain to work. I think it's time to get back to basics. Funny basics. Basics that will make people want to actually read this blog, and will make people want to comment on the funny that I write. I want my readers to be all like, "LOL" and "OMG". Sigh. I need a nap.

A couple of weeks ago I left a comment in a post about the Fairy Hobmother at Family and Life in Las Vegas saying what was on my Christmas wish list. Shortly afterwards the Fairy Hobmother paid me a visit as well and gifted me with an Amazon gift card! This kind and gentle fairy works tirelessly to give lots of other bloggers such fine gifts as well. This fairy lives at Appliances Online where she provides you with one-stop shopping online for all the appliances your little heart desires.  Wondering what exactly a Fairy "Hob"mother is? I found out its because the fairy's home at Appliances Online also sells hobs , so naturally the resident fairy needed an appliance-appropriate name. I had no idea what a hob was until now...and now you know too! You're welcome.  The really cool thing about this fairy is that if you leave a comment here and tell the Fairy Hobmother what your little heart desires, she just may pay you a visit as well!    

So, I am a few days late in reporting back how Midnight Mass went, but here it is. It actually went very well. Rose stayed asleep through the procession, which slowly wound its way around the church. The priest was holding her through that procession at the start of Mass - he and "baby Jesus" came last, after a slew of incense-bearing altar boys, our deacon, another priest, and Phillip and I. When we got to the altar he gave her back to me so that Phillip and I could move forward to place her in the manger. Then the manger scene was incensed and blessed. It was a truly beautiful moment, and I imagined Jesus as a newborn, come to save the world.  What an incredible sense of hope! Up until this point Rose was incognito in her white swaddling cloth, so I am sure everyone was like, "Oooh, what a cute little boy!" and "Awwww, sweet baby Jesus!" But then? Our priest outed her! He announced for all to hear that this was Rose Felicity and she was our baby Je...

Just about everything on my Christmas to-do list has been accomplished (because I am just that good).  The only thing left now is midnight Mass tonight, where Rose will be playing the starring role of baby Jesus. I'll be swaddling her in white, so no one will be the wiser that our pretend Jesus is actually a little girl. This part she is playing is my ticket to getting reserved seats at Mass, which is no joke. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get a seat at Mass for Christmas? The place is overflowing. You have to get there hours early just to get a seat. The trade-off, however, is that I have to attend the Mass the priest wants baby Jesus to be in. Midnight Mass. So there's a little give and take involved. I give you my baby, you give me seats, and I take a caffeine pill to stay awake through it all. Ho ho ho! The jokes on me, apparently. I'll let you know how it goes. In the meantime, have a very Merry Christmas and I'll see you on the flip side!

I have a stash. . . . . . . . No, not a 'stash! Much as I love a good mustache, I don't mean that kind. What I mean is that I have a candy stash.  . . . . . . . . . No, no, no...not a candy mustache. Though these do look tasty - what do you figure, black licorice or chocolate? Anyway, what I am trying to say is that I have a stash of candy that I hide from my kids and husband. This secret cache of sugary goodness is what often gets me through my sleep-deprived days. Funny thing about newborns - they do not sleep for very long before needing a diaper change or a feeding. So I have been using candy as a pick-me-up whenever I feel tired, or stressed, or sleepy. Which is about 22 out of every 24 hours in the day. But see here is the thing - I have to hide it, otherwise everyone else will eat it and then where would I be? I would still be tired, stressed, and sleepy - but without candy. And mama doesn't like that. So I keep a stash. What vi...

Do you have any idea what it's like to have a chicken dance on your face? Or wear giant Hot Pockets on your hands? ...No? Well, up until this week neither did I. But now I can honestly say I have experienced life to its fullest. No - I'm not referring to delusions brought on by illegal narcotics even though it sort of sounds like I am. This very odd-sounding experience was actually not that odd. In fact, it was stunningly fantastic. Again, not drugs. The truth is that I was fortunate enough to receive an invitation by Euphoria Salon and Day Spa to come and try out their spa services. I've been going to Euphoria for several years for haircuts and manicures (love!), but had never tried out their spa services.  "Would you come get a massage and facial?" they asked. Um, yes. Yes I will. They treated me to a Mom's Escape Package, which consisted of the Classic Facial (50 minutes) and a Swedish Massage (also 50 minutes). As a mom of 3, including a newbo...

There are some uses of the word "sick" that are good. Like, "Hey that wheelie you just popped on your motorcycle was sick!" But these days, the word "sick" means this: ...and that's not even all the medicines we are taking. Ivy came down with it first, then I did, and now my poor little Rose is also sick at the tender age of 4 weeks! At least she is older than Violet was when she caught RSV from Ivy at just 1 week old. Somehow, I think that Violet getting sick so early somehow toggled a superhuman immunity response to illness - she hardly ever gets sick, and this go-round she has been just fine as well. But I myself have now incubated and developed my special little germs into full on bronchitis. While you may think this post is about complaining about all the illness and sleeplessness on all our parts, its actually not that bad. Ok, the sleeplessness is bad. Always. But apart from that, the rest is totally do-able. I had dreaded having to look ...