La Vieja Inez*

I'm falling apart. Not mentally, because that were the case I would be running down the street screaming something really nonsensical and slightly disturbing. People would avert their eyes and think how sad it is that I am not locked up in a "safe environment".

I mean I am falling apart physically. I do not know exactly when these things started happening to me, but suddenly I have a list of ailments to rival that of my 101 year old grandmother. I think this means that I am not aging gracefully. Wanna hear 'em?

  • I have a cold, which is mostly over except it seems to have moved into my lungs. I hate when stuff is in my lungs. At least if I had a parasite or something then I would have an interesting story to tell. Instead I just have a chest cold. Lame. I need a parasite.
  • My right shoulder is in constant pain. Some time in the year after Violet was born my joints started giving out. Apparently sleeping on my side was too strenuous for my shoulder to take.
  • Sleeping on my back gives me terrible lower back pain.
  • I have lower back pain in general and for no good reason whatsoever.
  • Every time I work out my knees start hurting pretty badly. I stopped running or working out for a week, and they still ache. My sister tells me its because I have not stretched my knees out before exercising. To which I say: there is no such thing as stretching your knees. So there.
  • My funny bone is broken. I used to laugh far more easily than I do now. Even my courtesy laughs have diminished somewhat. Granted, this may just be a slight rut because it just started this week with my non-parasitic cold. I will let you know if my funny bone ever does heal.
  • I get sleepy in the mid-morning and in the mid-afternoon. My grandma did too. 
Ok, so maybe that does not quite rival my grandma's ailments. But they certainly do not seem like they ought to belong to a healthy coughcoughwheezesneeze 34 year old chickadee in the prime of her fabulous life.

You know what? Ailments be darned. I am going to go work out. The only way to stay young is to do the healthy junk. I will let you know how that goes.

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I am back. That was a dumb idea. Now everything hurts more and I am exhausted. Note to self: suck it up and just be the old crone that you know you are. You already eat dinner at 4:30 pm and cannot make it through the day without a nap. Just embrace it.




* This title means the "Old Lady Inez". Its from a silly saying when you answer the phone: "Quien es?" (who is it?) "La Vieja Inez" (old lady inez). Its an espanol thing. Never mind. I thought it was appropriate to this post because of the topic of aging. This is a completely self-gratifying title because no one but me and mi gente understand it anyway. Sorry.

Comments

  1. We do the Old Lady Inez thing, too! ok, so we don't but for a second I wanted you to feel like I was just like you, lol. I think you need to take it easy on any exercise that are weight bearing for real. :( Maybe stretches instead?

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  2. gee weez! Pobre Inez! You ARE in trouble! The cold, yeah it's a bummer, but it will go away. The joint, lower back, and, specially, the knee pain... well... think how much you enjoy picking up the two toddlers that live with you, your chocolat, that extra serving of pizza, and you will forgive all your joints complaints.
    But.... the big problem for you is the broken funny bone. You HAVE to get to a specialist right away, it can be dangerous if you don't treat it IMMEDIATELY! Lets call Steve Martin, Robin Williams, or some other expert, whoever knows how to tickle your funny bone and find out if it can be mended. That needs to be fixed PRONTO!!!

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  3. Ahhh yes. I am familiar with these afflictions. Blame your kids - it's all their fault (at least that's the theory I'm going with).

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  4. Amber, I totally do blame them!! :)

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