Note to Self

I decided to time travel to the past to warn my past self of something. Here is the note I will leave for Past Me, from Future Me.

Dear Me from the Past,

I am coming to you from the Future to warn you. Before you start wondering, the answer is NO - you are not skinny yet. When that happens I will be sure to come back and let you know so that you can go out with a bang right before hand and glut yourself on chocolate and cheeseburgers.

So, Past Me.... here is the warning. Next time you decide to not to intervene when the girls start fighting, to see "what happens", bring the vomit bucket. Seriously.

You are about to have your peaceful morning disturbed in a big way. Ivy will be in front of the mirror. Violet will push herself in front of Ivy because she wants to "clean" the mirror with a wipe, a la Snow White. (Side note to self: buy stock in baby wipes, Violet LOVES to play with them and you will go through them like water. You will be totally rich)

Ivy will be upset and scream. Violet will scream back. Banshees will be envious of their screaming abilities. There will be pushing. There will be scratching. There will be more screaming, and some crying. It will look like a Black Friday sale at Target.

And eventually, when the screaming and crying hits critical mass, Violet will be so upset that she vomits, thus triggering The Great Vomit Incident of 2010. Ivy is notoriously for being easily disgusted, thus provoking her gag reflex. In other words, witnessing Violet's vomit will make Ivy vomit. All over the place.

So Me from the Future is here to tell you, dear innocent Me from the Past, that there are 2 lessons you must learn. 1) Do NOT wait and see what happens, just break them up! and 2) if you do let them fight it out, bring the vomit bucket along for the show. Dummy.

Much love,

Future Me.

Comments

  1. hahahaha, sweet! that must have made your day.

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  2. Geez Louise. I can't even imagine. What a way to start the day.
    Wonder what I'd write to my past self...

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  3. Oh gosh. That is brutal!
    It was nice meeting you at the bloggy conference...thanks for the "lame-o" business card. ;)

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  4. Not Blessed Mama - yeah it really set the tone for the rest of the day, let's just put it that way!

    Kiranda - glad someone got a laugh out of it ;)

    Teri - Trust me, you do not even want to imagine!

    Dixie - Totally brutal. It was nice meeting you too!

    ReplyDelete

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