I Heart Bidets
So I tried to flush, and nothing happened. No handle pressure, nothing. The toilet was dead. Instead of panicking I coolly surveyed the toilet just in case I was missing something, while further pondering whether I was going to have to take the lid off the reservoir to make this thing work. That is when I noticed a small fixture attached to the right of the bowl. It read:
Water Pressure: Off . . . Low . . . High
Ah ha! The dial is set to "Off". I don't know why the toilet is set to "Off", but that is obviously the problem. So I cranked it up to "High". Instantly, a powerful jet of water shot out of the toilet with the force of fire hose. I did a crazy Matrix-like slow-mo back bend to avoid said water jet, and then quickly reached over to turn it off again.
Too late. The jet of water had shot all the way across the bathroom and hit the opposing wall. So now, instead of just being embarrassed that the toilet won't flush, I also have to contend with the Splash Zone the crazy toilet bidet just created. Great way to make a good impression, Andrea. Fab. This definitely ranks at the top of my Humiliation O' Meter.