It's Crazy Making Time
I am sure you are all wondering what my secret is to regaining pre-vacation levels of insanity so soon. Don't be jealous, I am a natural. We cannot all be me.
But go ahead and kick off your flippity flops, fellow mamas, and take a seat. I am going to tell you how to be a high achiever, just like me.
Step 1: Schedule your trip back from paradise as late in the day as possible, and don't fly directly home. Fly into a city that is 4 hours away from home. Go to sleep past midnight.
Step 2: Get up at 4:30am to drive the last leg of your trip. Instead of music, listen to the kids whine and cry. Don't skip this one, it's an important step if you want to reach maximum levels of insanity.
Step 3: Be sure you've scheduled important committments for the morning of your return.
Step: 4: Wear a nice dress and high heels to said commitments. You won't have time to change, so put it on first thing in the morning.
Step 5: Between Commitment #1 and Commitment #2, take your toddler to the doctor to get that eye goop checked out, but do it as a walk-in so you can spend at least 2 hours waiting. Find out that the eye goop is due to RSV.
Step 6 (my personal fave): Wrestle your kicking, screaming, red-faced, panicked toddler down to the floor to administer inhaler treatment while still wearing high heels and a now rumpled dress.
Step 7: It's too late for Commitment #2. The food is all gone anyway. And you look like crap.
Step 8: You are now starving. Stop by the grocery store on your way home. Do all your shopping in heels because somewhere in all that activity your husband thoughtfully sneaked home to drop off all the luggage, including your jeans and comfy shoes.
And that, my friends, is now it's done. Welcome to Crazy Town. We've missed you. And yes, that is the royal "we". What - I said it's Crazy Town, not Not Crazy Town. Bring on the Crazy.
But go ahead and kick off your flippity flops, fellow mamas, and take a seat. I am going to tell you how to be a high achiever, just like me.
Step 1: Schedule your trip back from paradise as late in the day as possible, and don't fly directly home. Fly into a city that is 4 hours away from home. Go to sleep past midnight.
Step 2: Get up at 4:30am to drive the last leg of your trip. Instead of music, listen to the kids whine and cry. Don't skip this one, it's an important step if you want to reach maximum levels of insanity.
Step 3: Be sure you've scheduled important committments for the morning of your return.
Step: 4: Wear a nice dress and high heels to said commitments. You won't have time to change, so put it on first thing in the morning.
Step 5: Between Commitment #1 and Commitment #2, take your toddler to the doctor to get that eye goop checked out, but do it as a walk-in so you can spend at least 2 hours waiting. Find out that the eye goop is due to RSV.
Step 6 (my personal fave): Wrestle your kicking, screaming, red-faced, panicked toddler down to the floor to administer inhaler treatment while still wearing high heels and a now rumpled dress.
Step 7: It's too late for Commitment #2. The food is all gone anyway. And you look like crap.
Step 8: You are now starving. Stop by the grocery store on your way home. Do all your shopping in heels because somewhere in all that activity your husband thoughtfully sneaked home to drop off all the luggage, including your jeans and comfy shoes.
And that, my friends, is now it's done. Welcome to Crazy Town. We've missed you. And yes, that is the royal "we". What - I said it's Crazy Town, not Not Crazy Town. Bring on the Crazy.
Well, welcome home!
ReplyDeleteI'm a resident of the same town...
Well, you really are unique! Not everyone can go back to insanity so quick and efficiently... you remind me of another mother... mmm... may be 30 years ago.. nah! you beat it.
ReplyDelete