A Muppet Story

Today I realized how much Violet still pinches and abuses my muppets, even though she no longer nurses. I am going to have to figure out a way to get her to CEASE AND DESIST. Soon. I am out of patience.

In the meantime, I realized I never did share the story that inspired the muppet euphemism and the subsequent Muppet Week.

A Muppet Story

We were having breakfast at a local casino with my cousin and her new beau, whom we were meeting for the first time. Ivy, as is typical for her, is dominating the conversation. Suddenly, she starts saying, "Nipple. Nipple. Mom, nipple."

Slightly embarrassed, I try to gloss over it by saying, "Mmmm hmmm, yes honey. Shhh."

However, this only serves to frustrate... nay, infuriate her. She begins raising her voice. "Nipple. Nipple!! NIPPLE!" I giggle nervously. This makes her little face crumple up in tears as the word "nipple" becomes the focal point of a red-faced tantrum. "Niiiippllllllle," she wails. "Niiiiipppplllllllllle!!!!! NIIIPPPPLLLLLE!!!!"

I had to pick her up bodily and remove her from the restaurant. It counts as one of the funniest and most embarrassing moments in my history as a parent. So far, anyway.

Later that day at home we tried to have a talk with her about what she was trying to tell us. Because other than shouting "nipple" at us, we had no idea what she was saying and why she was so upset.

Ivy: "Wemember the nipples, Mom?"
Me: No, what nipples??
Ivy: At Disneyland.
Me: (giggling again) There were nipples at Disneyland?
Ivy: (getting upset again) Yes! 
Me: Okay, what were they doing there?
Ivy: They awe in the computah.
Me: The nipples are in the computer. Okay. What are they doing there?
Ivy: They in a wed caw.
Me: They are in a red car?
Phillip: Ivy, do we have a picture of them?
Ivy: Yes!

So we go the computer to look at pictures of the last time we were at Disneyland. As it turned out, she was trying to tell us about how we saw the muppets driving around in a red car at Disneyland as they were filming a commercial for something. The nipple tantrum was a result of her frustration at not being understood or listened to!

And hence was born my use of the word "muppets", which I have to say has been a very useful euphemism. Feel free to borrow the term if you would like to!

The End!


  1. I am ALL FOR euphemisms for body words. And "muppets" is a thing of beauty. No question.

  2. You know, that day at DLand was fun. lol. Just thought I'd remind us all. Except when that horrible witch at the baby center yelled at me.
    Other than that, that day at dland rocked.

    As for Vi, maybe you should do a negative reinforcement. Or, positive. Like, give her stickers or somethingcheap and fun ever so often when she DOESN'T use the nipples and simply explain why? Or when she does say NO, Mommy doesn't like that, and stop holding her for a while? I dunno....

  3. Poor Beaker, I've never heard him causing a problem like this one.

  4. I'm with Sara on the "stop holding" her. You know how to go about doing it, it's just a matter of doing it. She'll throw a tantrum but you must emancipate your muppets and that will cause some tears.

  5. The hardest thing about keeping her from pinching is that she most wants to pinch when she is really tired, scared, or feeling insecure. The very hardest of times to deny her!


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